..If two pieces of bad news weren't enough, now there are 3!!!!

When it rains, it pours!!!!

Bad luck always comes in 3's!!!!

I've hit the bad luck pot!!!!

I told you in my last post that the house we had a contract on fell through. We also found out that our lender mislead us and told us we qualified for the house, to then being told we weren't while deep in the middle of a contract. If this wasn't enough to deal with. The news of my boss quitting was the best news and I had was beginning to see things on the positive side. Our plan to move to CA was still in effect and I was excited about my job search.

Then on Tuesday, it all came crashing down.

I had only been at work for about 3 hours to be pulled into one of our managers office and was given the most shocking news: They were laying me off!!!!! My boss was out of town so his boss delivered the bad news!!! They say it was due to budget cuts! Not so sure I believe this. I was in complete shock and couldn't believe it! It took me awhile to process it all. I felt this was just opening the door wider to move to CA and it would give me the time to focus on really hunting for a job in CA and being free to travel for interviews. Then it hit me, on no my health insurance and IVF! I knew that my insurance could continue through Cobra and we could still do IVF but how on hearth would we ever afford Cobra? I've heard it's very expensive. Living off my DH's income, my unemployment (who knows how much this will be) how will we afford paying for Cobra and then all the co pays that come along with IVF. I strongly feel that if this is important enough to us to continue IVF, we will make it work. My DH on the other hand, isn't so sure about it anymore. I told him it would only be a handful of copay's and in the long run it will be so worth it to get our miracle baby.

I know that everything will work out. Just right now I'm having a hard time staying positive. Everything hit me yesterday and I had a huge meltdown. I'm so afraid to hit rock bottom again after doing well for so many months. This stress will not be good for my body if we continue to go through with IVF. I know my DH will come around, I just think he needs time to process it all. Thankfully, I can transfer to another position within my company if there are any available and there are. My hope is to get an interview next week and be hired before my last day on Friday. I wouldn't have to go on unemployment and I wouldn't loose my health insurance. This would be a miracle if it actually happened! I just pray that God helps me stay strong and positive throughout this tough time. My DH tends to get really stressed about money and I hope he can see beyond this and know that this is only a temporary situation. We will get through this. 

I'm doing ok right now. I'm kind of numb to the whole situation. We could use all the prayers we can get right now and they are much appreciated!!!

I'll update more when I have more news about my job hunt.

Thanks for all your love and support!

-Lauren

..It's been awhile..

It's been awhile since my last post so I figured it was time I post an update. Since I can't use blogger at work, I have a harder time updating my blogs. So I'm sorry for my lack of posts. I have two updates: IVF update & Life Update. I'll start with IVF.


IVF update:
Not much has changed since my last post. Yesterday marked a month since my last lupron shot. Today is one day past my normal shot day and I am now waiting for AF to arrive. I can feel stuff going on down there so I know something is gonna happen, I just don't know when. I'm hoping it's soon so that we can get started with this next cycle. Praying that everything continues to go well and as planned. So for now, I'm just waiting which I HATE DOING!


Life update:
I came home from a wonderful week in so cal to find out that I'm being laid off from my job. My last day is Friday, July 30th! I am in complete shock. They say it's due to budget cuts but I'm not sure I believe this with all the issues I've had with my boss. I found out over vacation that my boss had quit and his last day is this Friday. I was so excited to finally be free of him and to not be so stressed out at work to finding out I'm being let go! WTF!!! I was in shock for most of the day yesterday. I didn't want to think about what this all meant. First issue for me is my health insurance. As you all know, we are about to start our next IVF cycle and thought what the heck happens now. Well, thankfully I can collect unemployment. I have no idea how much this will be but at least it's something. I will be given the option to continue my health coverage through Cobra. The bad part of this is Cobra is very expensive. I will be paying whatever I paid per month plus the premium amount my employer paid. I have no clue what this amount is going to be and it worries me. How can they expect someone who is unemployed to be able to afford Cobra? We will make it work somehow. If I am paying an arm and a leg for this insurance, I might as well get my money's worth by continuing IVF. The added expense of baby would be tough if I didn't have a job by June 2011. I doubt this will be the case. I'm confident I will find something in the next few months. I just pray we can afford everything. 


My husband tends to stress about money and he seems to be okay with things right now and is being very supportive. I just hope he stays this way. I don't need the added stress of his worry about money. We always have found a way to get by when money was tight. Thankfully we have supportive families that won't see let us fall apart. God has a plan for us and I have to trust in Him and be confident that he will provide.


Then to add more stress, our house that we have a contract on is not going so good. It's a short-sale and the banks are screwing with us. They keep counter offering higher and higher and won't budge on their offer. After leaving so cal we decided to withdraw from the contract. We don't want to keep going around and around with the banks to only come to an end with no house. Our options suck right now as far as house options go. We have decided on a new plan that we are very excited about. We feel that God is opening so many doors to our new plan with the house falling through and me being laid off. Everything happens for a reason and I know that God wouldn't give us something we couldn't handle. He obviously has a better plan for us!:) I'm bummed about it all, but have to stay strong if we want this IVF to work! I can now focus on me and my body and if I do become pregnant, I can ease myself back into things without the stresses of work for awhile.


I know we will be ok. It just sucks all of this had to happen at the same time. It will be hard to stick it out at my job till next Friday, but if I want to transfer within the company, I have to keep my record in good standing. I've applied to 4 jobs within my company and 7 outside. Out of the 11 jobs, one has to come through. We shall see!


I'll update again once AF starts to fill you all in on the next steps. As of now, I'll go in on CD3 for blood work and then between days CD5-CD10 I will go in for my HSG. Then wait for our follow up about two weeks later. It's almost here and I'm so excited!:)


Thanks again for your continued support!


Talk to you all soon!
Lauren

..count your blessings..

 Count your blessings..

For some, conceiving a child is done by sharing an intimate 

moment with your significant other.

For me, I have to PAY to have a child!

How is this fair?

"Oops, we're pregnant"

"This wasn't planned, it just happened"

"I've only been off birth control a month and I'm pregnant"

"I missed a few days of the pill, I'm pregnant"

"We weren't really trying"

"We conceived naturally"

These are the words I hear from those who don't have to 

PAY for their child!

This is how our child is conceived:

By IVF w/ICSI

What does this mean?

This means they take my eggs put them in a dish, 

and directly inject them with sperm.

This way bypasses the issues of the sperm fertilizing the egg

on it's own in the dish.

(this is the case when you have sperm issues).

Be careful with the choice of words you choose when speaking

to a woman who is suffering from infertility.

Refrain from saying, "You have plenty of time to have babies"!

This isn't the case for us suffering with infertility.

This is one of the comments that is the most hard to hear.

If you are one of the lucky one's who can conceive on your own,

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!

I can't tell you how lucky you are!

I envy you.

My DH and I tried for 1.5 years to conceive on our own and 

nothing worked. 

We were trying not knowing it would never happen.

You are so blessed to be able to conceive a child

out of love.

Don't take this as a complaint or anger towards those

who can conceive naturally.

I'm just simply pointing out how hard it is to accept

the fact your is child being created from a petri dish with 

someone else's hands!

I am forever grateful for this 2nd chance at having a baby

through IVF!

God has placed us here in this situation for a reason.

I have to TRUST this.

Our baby will be loved beyond belief!!!!!

Thanks for reading.

STICKY BABY DUST TO ALL SOON TO BE 2011 MOMMIES!

LOVE,

LAUREN

..my appointment with our new RE for IVF#2..

Hi everyone!!!
Today was my appointment with our new RE to discuss IVF#2! It went wonderful. Deep down I knew there was going to be more waiting, but I was so hoping we would be able to start right away (the week we got back from vacation 7/19th). I was sooooo wrong.  Let me just get right to it. 


I was greeted by the front desk staff who were so sweet! Plus #1. I saw my Dr and we talked for about 40 mins or so.  He went over my medical records from my previous clinic and my OB records. He wanted to understand my history.  He then asked when my last lupron shot was! Umm, last Wednesday!:(  He said that we need to allow time for my body to get rid of the lupron so that I can get my period. He said expect it by the end of July beginning of August. Then on CD1, give us a call and schedule your CD3 bw/us.  He wasn't me to also repeat the HSG between CD5-10, have my DH give another semen analysis and schedule a follow up with him two weeks after AF starts.  This is when he will have had the chance to look at and review everything to make his determination on whcih protocol to use and we will be on our way to starting stims.  He is suggesting the Lupron Stop protocol. Not as many days of lupron and once period starts, then stop the lupron and go straight into stims.  I can't believe I have to wait some more!!!!! I knew I would.  I just want this now so bad. So we will be doing this cycle around the same time as the last Aug/Sept. This is kinda hard for me. I don't want another disappointment. But I feel great with my new RE and I have confidence in him that he will get me pregnant very soon.


He has concerns about my premature ovarian reserve. We know that in having this, you produce fewer eggs of not so good quality..  He is going to do  test that will count how many eggs I have so we can get a better idea of how bad it really is (it's a blood test but I can't remember the name). He said if I were 41, he would def recommend donor eggs. But since I'm only 31 he really wants to give my eggs a chance. The fertilization report from my first cycle is what concerns him. 9 eggs, out of the 9 only 5 were mature, only 2 fertilized and only one survived. But, we are going to give it a try and go from here. Last time I had a leading follicle that was way too big to use and he wants to avoid this situation again. The lupron stop protocol helps the follicles all grow at about the same time and roughly the same size.  I had follicles last time ranging in the 14-18 range and one that was almost 30mm.  


There are only 2 Dr's in this office. If I don't see him, I will see the other dr not like 10 others. I won't feel like a number. He says that he likes to do his patients ER/ET but there are times when it just doesn't work out. So this made me happy. All procedures will happen in the Rockville, MD office. 
So now I have more time to focus on body, staying stress free and enjoy my summer. I can't wait for my period to start. Never thought I would say this haha.  I'm thinking it's going to be a Sept ET again with the hopes of a June baby!:-)


I feel like I"m forgetting something.  


Thanks for all your support! Means a lot to me!


Now I have a new countdown to look forward too!


Happy 4th!!!!


Much Love,
Lauren

..Tomorrow is the BiG DaY..

Sorry about the lack of posts. I can't post blogs at work anymore and that's where I write the most. So, I tend to forget to email myself my saved post(in a word document) to myself from my work computer so I can then post when I get home. But, better late than never right?


Soooooooooo, tomorrow is the BiG Day - My IVF#2 appointment with our new RE! I'm so excited but yet so nervous. I've had an upset tummy all day and I know it's my nervous getting the best of me. I just can't wait to find out all the details and when my cycle will actually be starting. My new insurance kicked in today so let's see how this goes this time around. I called Anthem today to ask them a question about my benefits. I wanted to know if my prescription drug plan through Express Scripts would require me to order my meds through them and not a speciality pharmacy. My 1st IVF my insurance would not allow me to order through a speciality pharmacy to get the discounted price and I payed $10,000 for my meds (well insurance did but this was taken out of my $12,500 lifetime maximum). I refuse to pay this much again when I could have gotten them for half the price. The rep said we can order them through whoever but that we have to pay for them out-of-pocket and submit a claim to be reimbursed! Are you serious? We don't have $$$$ just laying around right now. If this is the case, I have no idea how we will pay for them. This worries me. But, it will all work out and I just have to relax and take it one day at a time.


My appointment is tomorrow at 12:30. I will post an update as soon as I can. I've also started a youtube TTC Vlog (trying to conceive video blog) that I will be doing videos throughout my IVF journey.  


You can find me at: http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=toosassy1979#p/u/0/ExI_gz2L-JU


Please excuse my look, I had a killer headache and I was trying to do the video before my husband got home so he wouldn't make fun of me and make me nervous haha. I'm hoping to post a video on how my appointment went. I'm going to try my best!:)


I need to get some sleep so I'm at my 100% tomorrow and can focus on everything the Dr says since I've been forgetting things lately.


Thanks again for your continued support!


More to update soon!


God Bless,
Lauren