..Just waiting..

This seems to be the story of my life lately! WAITING and more WAITING!

Some things I don't mind waiting for, but when it comes to having a family, I'm done WAITING! 

Even with the loss of my job, I never thought we would be waiting for this long to start our 2nd IVF cycle.  It's tough and I'm really annoyed by it all.

I never updated you all on what my Dr decided to do after my blood results were in from my appointment a little over a week ago.  I didn't end up seeing my Dr, but the other Dr in the office who I like as well.  I knew from the beginning from the way she was talking, she wasn't going to put me on Provera.  My blood tests came back fine and I was told to wait it out till Sept. 1 to let AF arrive on her own if possible.  Even without a period, they said I could go ahead and schedule my HSG (weird since your suppose to do this between CD 5-10 of your menstrual cycle).  My HSG is this Thursday 8/26 at 10:00 AM.  My SIL is taking me just in case I experience some pain and I'm unable to drive....I'm so thankful she is here to help me and is so supportive!:)  With the pain I felt from my cryosurgery, I just want to be extra cautious this time around because I don't want to experience this kind of pain again since it involves my cervix.  My DH will have his SA done this week or next depending on the day they have open for him to go in and drop it off.  Enough said on that subject.  

I'm stressing, and I'm stressing a lot.  My insurance will be ending Sept 1st and I have no clue how soon COBRA kicks in.  I'm afraid to have all this done in the next week and to get a bill in the mail because they processed the claim after Sept 1. which would mean I have no coverage (unless COBRA goes in effect immediately).  I just don't want any surprises.  I just hate no knowing if I will have a job with infertility coverage.  Health Insurance never used to be such a huge priority on my list when choosing a job.  Now that I'm married and have so many health issues, it's on the top of my list of being the most important thing I'm looking for in a job.  My DH and I have decided that it's worth it to pay the two months of COBRA  (the time we need to complete our IVF cycle) to continue with this IVF cycle.  If we get our BFP, then we will cancel COBRA and either sign up for our own personal health plan so I have OB coverage, or if I have a job, choose the best HMO/HMO type plan they have even if there is no infertility coverage.  If we don't get our BFP, then we would have to wait, just like before.  I would have exhausted all my IVF coverage and even if I did land a job with the same company again, I would have to wait till next July again to start round #3 because this is when open enrollment is to change health coverage.  So everything is up in the air right now.  All I know is we are going forward with our plan and praying and hoping we get our BFP!  If this means we only have one child (for now), we are ok with this!  We will just be so happy and blessed with the one little miracle we have!:) 

I had another interview today with the same company who laid me off but I don't like the position.  It's a high level receptionist position with no room for flexibility.  Meaning Dr's appointments would have to be after work or before and this would not work with all the IVF and reg OBGYN appointments I have. It's a very strict 8-5 job and a 7 AM monitoring appointment would make me late to work.  So, I'm in a tough position.  The job offers the same benefits I have now but I wouldn't even be able to use them.  I would be stuck at work all the time with only a 30 minute lunch.  I had another interview last Friday that went well, but the insurance only covers myself, not my DH.  If they offer me a job, I will be very honest with them about the only reason I would deny their offer is because of the health insurance hoping they will be able to work something out with me.  I have no idea what their plans cover and I'm not too sure how to go about finding this out without giving away too much personal information.  Any advice on this matter would be much appreciated!

I have another interview on Thursday evening with a Dental Office that pays well.  It would be a great experience and hoping they offer good health insurance! Crossing my fingers!

How I'm feeling physically:

Thankfully, I no longer feel the crazy symptoms of the Lupron anymore.  I've been nauseous pretty much every day usual at night when trying to fall asleep.  I know this is a symptom that goes along with endo so it's a norm for me and it doesn't worry me, it's just a crappy feeling.  I have been crampy off and on but no spotting or bleeding.  I'm very bloated like always.  Lately, I've been having those sharp pains (endo pains) and it concerns me a little.  I'm hoping that if it is starting to grow back, that it's growing slowly so that it doesn't interfere with this IVF cycle...please!  This is why I want to get started so bad....I want to beat the endo from taking over again.  Once I'm pregnant, the endo won't be so bad at least in my uterus and on.  I have it other places so it can still grow even without a period unfortunately.  I've been really tired lately and haven't been able to stay up like I normally can.  I've been listening to my body when it tells me it's tired and making myself go to bed.  I've been trying to not take my sleeping pills to see how I do sleeping on my own.  I have some good nights, and some bad nights.  But I like knowing that I do have nights where I can fall asleep on my own and STAY asleep.  I'm a clock watcher and this is the main reason I have to take sleeping pills...I can't stay asleep.  It's awful!  But, for some reason I'm doing pretty good right now.

This summer has been crazy and I haven't been the best at sticking to my IVF diet and exercising.  But, now will all this time off, I have no excuse to get back to 100%!  

Every morning I hope to find spotting or bleeding!  But of course I'm always disappointed!  I'm counting down the days till Sept 1. and I can't wait to get this show on the road!  Everyone has been so supportive and feels so positive about this cycle.  I hope they are right!  I'm trying to stay as positive as I can regardless of our situation!  I know a job will come through and that God will take care of us.  He knows what we desire and he will provide in due time...His timing!!!!  I have to trust this.  It's hard, but I have to.  DH has been awesome through all of this and I couldn't imagine going through this without him.  He gets me and understands me and I love him so much for this!  Not everybody does get me and he is a true blessing! 

I hope to have great news within the week.  I will update as soon as I have more news on when this cycle will be starting.  Praying my HSG goes well and comes back clear.  Praying the DH's SA is better than 7/09 SA!  Praying for our dreams to come true and that we bring home our miracle baby next June!:)

I hope everyone is doing well.  Praying for all the BFP's out there and for all many, many successful IUI and IVF, and FET cycle's!  Just BELIEVE!  It will happen, and it will happen for all of us some way or another!

Talk to you all soon!

Much Love,

Lauren