..Mock EEP Cycle..

So I forgot to mention in my last post that after my appointment on 10/5/10, I started the injections for the Mock EEP cycle.  Every three days I give myself an injection of Del estrogen straight in my booty.  Not the greatest feeling.  This goes on for about two weeks and this Tuesday I go in for blood work and an ultrasound to see how my uterine lining has responded.  They are looking for a thick lining around 8-9cm (I think cm...something like that).  If all looks good, then we move to the next step and do a mock embryo transfer to make sure that a catheter easily goes into my uterus to place the embryo.  It went smoothly the first time with my first IVF so I imagine this time will be the same.  With these two tests done, we will find out if my uterus is healthy enough to carry a baby!!!  Fingers crossed.  The side effects aren't too bad.  My boobs have grown and I may have gained some lbs (fluid retention), but other than that, nothing major.  I will post on Tuesday with an update on the results and if we are moving onto the mock embryo transfer.


I really don't have any new news on the possible adoption.  All we know is the girl is wishy washy and she doesn't know she wants.  We aren't giving up, we are just looking into other possibilities as well.  I never knew there were so many details when it came to adopting.  Foster care and state adoption is in the mix, just not sure what road we want to go down as of yet.  We are still aways away from the actual start of a donor cycle.  We aren't even sure yet that we want to do this right now.  We have more blood tests to complete, social worker to meet with (2x) which is required by our clinic, a pap smear (coming up in a week) and then the financing and choosing the donor.  Once we get to this point, once we have chosen our donor, we then have to wait for 2-3 more couples to choose the same donor to begin the IVF cycle.  So we have some time to decide.  We know we can't come up with $30,000 cash.  Financing it is definitely the only option.  More debt weights very heavy on us more on my husband so it's not easy to move forward with this plan.  If we adopt, we can foster-adopt which is free, or go down the birth mom route without an agency and the cost being roughly around $5,000-$10,000 which my work cover's $5,000.  Right now financially, adoption seems to be the best choice.  We are praying about it and just waiting for a clear answer.  It's hard to justify spending so much money on a child when if we could have one naturally, it would be FREE!!!  This is when I feel that the situation that we are in is UN-FAIR!!!!  Why me and why us?  God chose this way for us and we have to choose whether or not to accept it.  We do thankfully! =)  


The one comforting thing about choosing the Donor IVF first, is it's a Shared-Risk Guarantee Program.  This means 6 attempts at IVF with a donor and if after 6 try's you don't bring home a baby, you get a full  refund!  We aren't in this to get our money back, but knowing that if we invest the money and time into that many attempts, we get the money back and can try all over again!  


We will come to a decision soon.  Even if it doesn't happen till the new year, I'll feel better knowing our plan.  As far as how I'm doing, feeling, I'm ok.  I've had some pretty down days and I'm definitely grieving the loss of not having my own child!  It's the worst pain EVER!  No one prepares you for this kind of pain.  No one can take it away.  I feel crappy inside and out.  Since my surgery in March I have gained more weight than I ever have in my entire life.  Those of you who know me, may not even noticed it, but I do.  I'm uncomfortable when I sit, when I stand and when I sleep.  The extra lbs on my sides and my thighs is not the greatest.  I've been consistently in the range of between 115-120 maybe 122.  Now?????  133.  I've never hit the 130 mark in the 31 years I've been alive.  I know a lot of it is bloating from having endo, but still, that's a lot of weight and a huge change for me.  I don't care so much about the #, it's being uncomfortable that I hate.  I also can't keep going out and buying new clothes every month because nothing fits.  I just bought new work pants about a month ago and they are already tight when I sit down.  Jeans are an issue now so I'm probably going to have to invest in some new jeans again!  


Praying for guidance, strength, clarity, peace and contentment!


We appreciate everyone's prayers and support!  They mean a lot to us.  I know I say this a lot, but truly they do!

I hope everyone is doing well.

I'll post again on Tuesday when I have the results from my appointment.

Night night!

Lauren

..It's a GO..

So my last post talked about the days leading up to my next follow-up/no AF business.  Well, last Tuesday was my follow-up ultrasound/blood work.  Guess what decided to show that day? AF!!!! Yes, I said it, AF!! I was so shocked..I couldn't believe it.  I knew something was up because I just didn't feel right over the weekend.  Then bam she came.  She only lasted two days and now nothing.  So who knows if this is how she is going to be all the time now. 

Appointment went just as expected.  My ovary is still very small and my FSH is still too high...it was 17 that day.  It needs to be below 8 for the best chance of a successful IVF cycle.  My RE gave me a 20% of the IVF working with my own eggs.  He said with the little ovarian tissue left and the high FSH, your best chance at conceiving is with Donor Eggs!!!!  Even though I had already heard this, him confirming it really hit me hard!  I started grieving the loss of never have my own child!  No one prepares you for this.  I know that I will be a Mom, just not the way I had always hoped and dreamed about.  As positive as I have been over the past 7 months, I'm finding it harder and harder to stay positive.  I just feel so cheated!  Everyone around me gets pregnant so easy and it just frustrates the hell outta me and it just isn't fair!  I know God has a plan, I just wish it would happen already.

I found out on Friday that my work doesn't cover DONOR IVF CYCLES!!!  They cover 4 regular IVF CYCLES so you would think that they would cover donor too.  This is frustrating.  Our only option now is to take out a fertility loan for $30,000 to cover the Shared Donor IVF cyle program - includes 6 IVF attempts.  It' more debt but when it comes to having a family, it's worth it.  Just have to convince the hubs.  He's coming around he just stresses about money so much that he can't see past it.  If it's something we both truly want, we will find a way to make it work.  Please Lord!!!

Adoption situation is still up in the air.  The girl is very wishy washy and we are just waiting to hear if she still wants to meet us or not (I hope I posted about this)!  So for now, we are just figuring out things and where we want to go with starting a family.  Which direction seems like the best one right now.  I'm doing my research and so far, adoption seems like the best option finance wise.  My work covers $5,000 towards adoption and there is a $12,500 tax credit so this is looking like our #1 option right now.  More details to come soon!

Please continue to keep us in your prayers...I'm experiencing my lows again and I'm finding it hard to stay positive and HAPPY!!! 

I hope everyone is doing well!  Best of luck to everyone starting an IUI/IVF cycle or who are about to have their little ones...Adrianne you are so close to meeting your little boys! We are so excited for you!:)

Love to you all,
Lauren