..It's a GO..

So my last post talked about the days leading up to my next follow-up/no AF business.  Well, last Tuesday was my follow-up ultrasound/blood work.  Guess what decided to show that day? AF!!!! Yes, I said it, AF!! I was so shocked..I couldn't believe it.  I knew something was up because I just didn't feel right over the weekend.  Then bam she came.  She only lasted two days and now nothing.  So who knows if this is how she is going to be all the time now. 

Appointment went just as expected.  My ovary is still very small and my FSH is still too high...it was 17 that day.  It needs to be below 8 for the best chance of a successful IVF cycle.  My RE gave me a 20% of the IVF working with my own eggs.  He said with the little ovarian tissue left and the high FSH, your best chance at conceiving is with Donor Eggs!!!!  Even though I had already heard this, him confirming it really hit me hard!  I started grieving the loss of never have my own child!  No one prepares you for this.  I know that I will be a Mom, just not the way I had always hoped and dreamed about.  As positive as I have been over the past 7 months, I'm finding it harder and harder to stay positive.  I just feel so cheated!  Everyone around me gets pregnant so easy and it just frustrates the hell outta me and it just isn't fair!  I know God has a plan, I just wish it would happen already.

I found out on Friday that my work doesn't cover DONOR IVF CYCLES!!!  They cover 4 regular IVF CYCLES so you would think that they would cover donor too.  This is frustrating.  Our only option now is to take out a fertility loan for $30,000 to cover the Shared Donor IVF cyle program - includes 6 IVF attempts.  It' more debt but when it comes to having a family, it's worth it.  Just have to convince the hubs.  He's coming around he just stresses about money so much that he can't see past it.  If it's something we both truly want, we will find a way to make it work.  Please Lord!!!

Adoption situation is still up in the air.  The girl is very wishy washy and we are just waiting to hear if she still wants to meet us or not (I hope I posted about this)!  So for now, we are just figuring out things and where we want to go with starting a family.  Which direction seems like the best one right now.  I'm doing my research and so far, adoption seems like the best option finance wise.  My work covers $5,000 towards adoption and there is a $12,500 tax credit so this is looking like our #1 option right now.  More details to come soon!

Please continue to keep us in your prayers...I'm experiencing my lows again and I'm finding it hard to stay positive and HAPPY!!! 

I hope everyone is doing well!  Best of luck to everyone starting an IUI/IVF cycle or who are about to have their little ones...Adrianne you are so close to meeting your little boys! We are so excited for you!:)

Love to you all,
Lauren