..we will meet soon my precious one..

Dear my precious little one,

It has taken 31 years for us to finally get the chance to meet.

I always dreamed of you as a little girl.

What you would look like, how you would act.

My heart yearned for you!

You felt so close, but yet so far away.

My heart has a piece missing....YOU!

I can see you in my dreams.

I feel you.

Your there.

Soon we will meet my sweet baby.

You are so wanted and already LOVED more than anything.

The time has come to bring you home.

Mommy is free of disease in her body. 

My belly is waiting for you.

I'm ready for you...so is your Daddy!

He aches for you.

We are ready to embrace you and never let you go.

We can't wait to meet you!

To see your beautiful little eyes glimmer with happiness.

We love you sweet baby!

Only a few more weeks and we hope to bring you home.

God is by your side...don't be afraid.

Mommy and Daddy are waiting for you!

You have Nana's and Papas who are so excited to me you.

Aunts and Uncles.

Cousins.

Show us your beautiful face.

Mommy can't stop dreaming about you.

I see you as a beautiful little girl.

Aurora Elizabeth...so precious in every way.

Maybe you'll surprise and be a handsome little boy.

Anthony Joseph.

We love you no matter who you are.

See you soon my baby!

We love you more than you'll ever know!

Love,

Mommy & Daddy

..COUNTDOWN IS ONNNNNNNN..

The countdown is on....
There are only 10 days left till our appointment with our new RE for IVF#2!!!!!!!!!


I never thought this day would come. I've been waiting for this day for a very long 9 months. After a failed IVF last September, I really thought that God had a different plan for our lives. I couldn't see the other possibilities. My brain was so foggy that I couldn't see beyond the fog. After some time had passed and I was able to see clearly again, I figured out plan b. My DH wasn't really on the same page as me. He had no thoughts of when we do another IVF again. I would ask him when he would be ready and he said he didn't know. This was very hard for me to hear. I was so ready to try again and I felt alone in my decision making. I tried to switch our health insurance, but our circumstances weren't a worthy enough cause to be able to change. Annual enrollment is every June. That was 9 months away. I knew I could chance and have full infertility coverage again. I held onto this thought. I had already made my decision that we would start our next IVF cycle in July 2010 even with my DH being against it. I had to look forward to something. I knew we couldn't afford to pay out-of-pocket so this was my only hope.


Well, plan b is about to become a reality. July 2nd is our appointment and I couldn't be more excited. I'm feeling really good about this cycle and have faith that God will answer our prayers. 


Due to going on vacation the 2nd week of July, I most likely won't be starting until the week of the 19th. My cycle is already suppressed so I'm not sure if I will go straight into stims or if I will have to take BCPs to get AF to start. I don't get AF becaues of my 1x a month Lupron Depot shot. A typical cycle with my new fertility clinic, they start you on BCPs to suppress your cycle so they can control it, then about 2 weeks in start you on daily lupron shots and then stop BCPs to get AF to start to start stims. I've heard that woman who are in my situation have gone straight into stims as long as there uterine lining was thin enough. I can't start while on vacation because of all the appointments. If I'm starting with BCPs/lupron then I can which I'm kinda hoping for. I want to at least start something. Waiting till after vacation feels like forever.


My last 1x a month lupron shot is this Wednesday along with my follow-up from my sonogram from last Wednesday. The pain is still there so I'm really curious if it's the endo growing back since they saw no cysts. 


Were so much closer to our dream coming true. The thought that I could have our little miracle growing inside my belly by July/August puts the hugest smile on my face. DH is so on board. He's ready and he can't wait to be a daddy. Seeing him with our niece is the most amazing thing for me. He just melts when he sees her. He is going to melt when he has one of his own!:) I just love him!xoxo


Proud Uncle:

Hope everyone is doing well in their IF journey. 

Praying for all the BFPs this summer!!!! Hoping to be one of them!:)

~*~sTicKy bAbY DuST tO aLL~*~

Lauren

..It's been awhile..

It's been awhile since my last post. Sorry for being gone so long. Things have been pretty hectic for us lately. We recently just bought a house and it took up most of nights for the past three weeks. But it was so worth it! In my last post I talked about the after effects from my cryo surgery. A lot has happened since then. 


That Friday after my cryo I started bleeding. It was very heavy and it did not stop until the following Friday. It was very annoying since I can't wear tampons anymore. I've worn more pads these past few months that I ever have. 5-6 days of pads is not bad, but 2 weeks+ really irritates the inside of my thighs. Really sucks. These 7 days of wearing pads irritated the heck out of my skin and thankfully it soon stopped. That Monday when I got into bed, my lower back and kidneys started hurting. Wasn't sure what it was from and then I started to get those sharp shooting pains in my ovary area like I always do when I have an endo flare up. They didn't go away so I took some prescription motrin and it seemed to help. The pains were consistent and I woke up with them. I made an appointment with my OBGYN for that Thursday to get checked out. She did an internal exam, said my cervix looked great from my cryo but that she didn't feel any cysts. This didn't mean that they weren't there. She gave me an order to go get a sonogram to get things checked out. Up until my appointment I still was having the same pains.  My sonogram was this past Wednesday and good news is they didn't see any cysts! Whoo Hoo!!!! The Radiologist said the pains could be from either car tissue or adhesion's. My Dr also said that it could be the endo growing back because Lupron isn't perfect. I have my follow up with my OB on the 23rd to discuss what to do if anything. I"m not too worried since there are no cysts. But if the endo is back, I'm not sure what will happen. We have only 15 more days till our appointment with our new RE and we don't want anything to set us back from starting IVF next month. 


I'm feeling better. Still have the pains here and there. But not as bad. I have my last Lupron shot the 23rd and this is one more step closer to our baby. Not sure if I will Lupron this next IVF cycle. My old RE said she wanted to do the micro dose lupron cycle this time so we'll see if my new RE suggests the same. I'm counting down the days. I feel really good about things this time. Still feeling positive and trusting in the Lord and His will for our lives. 


Diet is going ok. I've been having a lot of sweets temptations lately and soda. I gave in for awhile, but have now stopped. It's been hard, but I know it's for the best. I want my body as healthy as possible to welcome our baby this time. Now we have a house to bring our baby home to and everything feels like it's all coming together so perfectly. I couldn't be happier.


I recently just finished a really great book called "Making Babies". It really helped me see the big picture and how important it is to have a healthy body when trying to conceive. It had a lot of great advice and tips that I'm not incorporating into my daily routine. As hard as it was to go through a BFN, it taught me a lot and I know what to expect this go around. I won't be in the dark and wonder an worry what everything means. I'm sure I'll have questions, but I'm so thankful I know how the process works. I have people I can talk to and trust who are going through what I'm going through.


Congratulations to all my DS friends who had their babies this month! I'm so happy for you all!:)


Hope everyone is doing well.


Thanks,


Lauren

..HELLO WaTeR..

Hey there....

Haven't felt like posting much lately. Maybe because I haven't had the chance to be consistant with my exercising so there really isn't anything new to update. I'm still doing good. The house hunt has taken up all of our free time(not a bad thing). But the diet is still going good. I also picked up a couple of books to read to help me get through this journey. So far, I'm very happy with my choices. If you are interested in the books I am reading, here they below:

• Conquering Infertility by Alice D. Domar, PH.D. - Dr. Alice Domar's Mind/Body Guide to Enhancing Fertility and Coping with Infertility.
• Incnoceivable by Shannon Woodward - Finding peace in the midst of infertility{great personal journey that we can all so relate to}
• A woman's guide to overcoming depression by Archibald Hart, Ph.D and Catherine Hart Weber, Ph.D

I bought them all on Amazon for just $.97 a piece. I couldn't believe what I great deal they were. Reading these types of books really hope me stay on track and focus on the positives. Maybe they can do the same for you!

Reason for my post:

I had my Cryo surgery yesterday. I was told that I would have mild discharge/leakage. Ok, nothing a little panty liner can't handle. Oh boy, was I wrong. I went to bed last night just very wet down there like slippery CM. Then I woke up this morning and thought I peed myself. I went to the bathroom and pulled my pants down to find my underwear completely soaked through and my pants soaked in that area! Didn't smell like pee, but what else could it have been. I showered, changed into my normal thong for the day to seconds later soaking them. I had to put the granny panties back on and use a pad..a pad..no panty liner. Of course when I got to work I googled it. Call me Mrs. Web MD. From what I understand, it's very normal. It's the dead cells leaking out. The discharge can be heavy and watery like. So I did not pee myself! haha No smell. Just feels like I'm peeing in my pants. Not the greatest feeling...but it's better than blood.

I feel much better today. Only a few cramps here and there. My cervix has to heal before any fun can take place...not happy about this one. But, it's not like we are trying to make a baby naturally so it doesn't bother us so much. Lupron definitely affects your libido!=( No bueno!!!!

I would like to give a shout to say congrats to some of my wonderful DS friends:

*Congrats Bethlehambaby on your BFP!!!
Truly a miracle!

*Congrats Mamijo on your BFP and your doubling beta #'s!

*Congrats on your baby boy Suzannelin!

*Nicolerb yay for your natural BFP!

*Jessi2bamommy congrats on your little boy!
He's adorable.


Looking forward to many more BFP's and births this month! This would have been our month if we would have gotten a BFP last Septemeber. Always thought it was a little girl! She would have made her grand appearance sometime in June. Hopefully next year we will be holding our little girl!

Lauren

..1 month & Cryo Surgery..

One month from today I will be sitting in my new RE's office preparing for IVF#2! It's finally just around the corner. I have been waiting for this day for so long that it doesn't feel real. Hubby is so on board this time and this has been huge for me. I don't feel so alone. I was always so afraid to ask what he was feeling. He finally told me that having a baby is more important than a house and more important than anything else in this world! WOW was I shocked when I heard these words come out of his mouth. We're so close to having our baby! Praying this is God's will and that we accept whatever he brings to us.

Cryo Surgery was today to remove precancerous cells from my cervix. This is my 2nd one and this time hurt like HELL! I'm dry from the Lupron so I tore when she put the speculum in(ouch) and then they take this gun looking thing that shoots out the stuff to freeze your cervix and hold it on your cervix for a very long five minutes...horrible, awful never want to experience this pain again. I had intense cramping that I had to endure for the 5 minutes. Thankfully, I'm comfortable talking with my Dr when she's down yonder and she started talking to me and this helped distract the pain. My Dr is so awesome I just love her! I layed there after for about 5 minutes thinking I was gonna pass out the cramping was so bad. My face was beat red(no joke) and I hurt coming out of her office and I still have cramping....just not as bad thank God! She did a pap smear before to see if there was any more growth of the bad cells and I will be rechecked on 9/2/2010. There is a 20% it will occur again. I'm hoping it doesn't. So I can cross this of my list! Yay!!!!

Things are good. I'm really busy and finding it hard to find time to exercise. We are in the process of buying house so pretty much any free night we have, we are looking at houses with our realtor. It's fun, but draining. We are so eager to find a house! Bringing home a baby to a HOUSE and not an APARTMENT is where we want to be. I'm confident this will happen soon we just have to be patient. Patient...what's that?

My mood is a bit better. My Dr took me off birth control(was suppose to help with the side effects from the Lupron shot) to get ready for July when we start the fertility treatments(IVF). She said if things get too bad to where I can handle myself, she'll put a call into my RE's office and see what can be done in the meantime. Hoping things don't get any worse. If the mood gets worse, it's gonna be a long month and a half.

Looking forward to the summer! Lots of exciting things happening!
CA in July, IVF in July and moving into a new house!=)

Hope everyone is doing well!

****Baby dust to all****

Lauren