..There is hope..

With the devastating news we heard last week, I'm finding it harder to get the energy or the desire to post any updates.  When I have good news, I can't wait to post!  I don't have the energy to re-post the same thing on different sites, so I apologize that I keep pasting my posts from my other websites.

As you all know I had my follow-up with my RE last Friday!  Things went well.  He really explained things clearly and I feel so much better about going the donor route.  I trust him and this is important.  He has our best interest at heart!

I went for my Thyroid testing on Monday and I have fabulous news....MY THYROID LEVELS CAME BACK NORMAL!!!!!  This means no meds!!!  I guess you can have elevated thyroid levels along with high FSH but it doesn't mean it's a thyroid issue and this is my case.  YAY!!!:)  So one piece of good news is a good start!  Finding out I passed my background check was the best news I could have ever heard last week.  Knowing that I have 4 IVF cycles (I can't find anywhere saying it doesn't cover donor) not sure if they cover donor yet, but just knowing that we have the coverage, gives me so much hope.  I got a whole packet on the donor cycle and it makes more sense now.  The most affordable option out-of-pocket would be the Shared Donor Risk Program.  With this program, you have 1 donor and 2-3 recipients of the donor's eggs.  It's one flat fee of $30,000 per couple and a portion of this cost goes to the donor.  This includes 6 fresh/fet donor cycles and if at the end of a 6th cycle you don't bring home a baby, you get your money back in full.  If we did this option, we would have to take out a fertility loan possibly hoping we would be approved.  Right now a baby is more important than a house and if this means we have to be $30,000 more in debt, it's worth it to have a child!  It will work out one way or another I just want our baby in our arms so I can put all this pain and struggle behind us.  It takes a strong and caring man to accept our situation and I couldn't be happier that I have the husband that I have!  I feel so blessed and I thank God for him everyday!  Crossing our fingers for a Dec 2011 baby or a Jan 2012 baby if all goes as planned.  Donor cycle would possibly start in Feb. if not by March.  I'll find out more once we get into the donor program.  I can't wait to find out when we will be starting! Another count down haha!

Here is my journal post from my other site from Friday:

Hi ladies!!!! 

So I had my followup this am. I'm feeling much better about things now. As hard as it is to accept the cards we have been dealt, I truly believe we are in God's hands and will answer the desires of our hearts to be parents. 

I really love my RE! He is wonderful. I'm so thankful for him. So he basically told me that by my sono on Tuesday he could tell that my ovary was in bad shape. It is very small and it shouldn't be. My lining is way too thin for the point my body is at after being on the Lupron so he kinda put two and two together before he even got the blood test results. He didn't want to give us false hope, but said there could be a chance my ovary is still in a state of shock from the surgery in March. But even if is, I still have very little ovarian tissue remaining that would make it almost impossible for a cycle to work with my own eggs. But he wanted to give us both scenarios. He said our best chances are with a donor. He wants me to come back 10/5/10 for bw/us to see where things are at. If my FSH is still at 42 then we know we have to go the donor that my body has just shot down. If it's lowered, then we still have to weigh our options but the fact that my ovary is so damaged, it's not worth the heartache to go through our own ivf cycle to only be let down. 

We most likely will be going down the donor route. After my appt on the 5th of Oct. my dr wants to do a mock EEP to check to see if my body can carry the baby. I would be give injections of estrogen and provera to induce my period to see how things look. As long as I respond the way I should, we are good to go to start the donor cycle. He said that it typically takes anywhere from 3-4 months to get to a pregnancy with the donor cycle. So if we start in Jan, we are looking at prolly a April ET! We have to figure out the financial part of it as well. Hoping my new job's insurance covers donor eggs. 

hign FSH explains my god awful hot flashes!!! LOL 

Do have some good news!! DH's SA came back great! Unlike the last one back in July 09. 

July 09 SA:  --------->  All aprox...can't remember exactly the #'s!
20 MIL count 
43% motility 
4% morphology 

Sept 10 
87 MIL count 
53% motility 
7% morphology (anything above 5% at my clinic is considered normal) 

We are thrilled with these results!=) Thank you Jesus!!!!!! 

So, for now I wait for the results of my thyroid testing, wait to see if a period comes before 10/5 if not then 10/5 bw/us appt and start the Donor cycle process! 

Thank you so much for all your wonderful kind words and all of your love and support. I know I have said this a lot lately, but I just can't say thank you enough. You all are so special to me and I'm so thankful to my wonderful friend AMBER for introducing me to DS! Thanks girl!=) 

I'll post again when I have my thyroid results! 

Have a great weekend! 

Much love, 
Lauren