..BIG UPDATE..

I am so sorry to keep you all waiting on my update from my follow-up with my RE yesterday.  My mind has been in a million places.  Let's cut to the chase and get to the good stuff now. My appointment went better than I could have EVER expected.  After all the bad news I've heard since September, I had prepared myself for the worst.  I would hear, "No, IVF with your eggs just is not an option, Donor is the best route"!  This is NOT how the appointment went.  He said he felt very encouraged by my ultrasound last week with seeing the 6 follicles in my ovary and my FSH being at 11.9 not 42 like in Sept.  He said, YES to IVF with MY eggs!!!! Are you serious? A chance to have a child all of our own??? I couldn't believe it.  For 6 months I had to come to terms with knowing that I would most likely never know a child of mine would look like. This was the hardest thing to come to terms with and accept.  But I did. We were so thankful for the other options out there.  They just weren't attainable at the moment.  I left the appointment on cloud 9! I cried the whole way back to work with tears of happiness.  This is an answer to a prayer!:)

DH and I had an agreement when we found out we couldn't have a child with my eggs, that we would concentrate on buying a house and then focus on a family. We knew we couldn't take out a loan for a baby (since my insurance only covers IVF with my eggs, not donor) and then get a house loan...we would never qualify.  We never expected to hear this.  DH is very responsible and likes to stick to plans and agreements we make. One of the many qualities I love about him.  Before this appointment, I would casually bring up the 'what if's'. What if we could do IVF with my eggs?  He always said, no, we made an agreement.  So when I got this good news, I was so scared to tell him.  I didn't want to hear the NO!!!! The agreement now to me wasn't valid.  The IVF is FREE, we can still shop for a house, get a home loan and prepare for a baby all at the same time.  I told him via text yesterday that I would tell him all about it when I got home.  Did I?  Nope.  I didn't say a word all night.  I was a wreck.  All day at work I just kept thinking, I need to tell him, he has to understand and want this as much as I do.

I was going to avoid it till the weekend, but I couldn't handle it anymore.  I came home, we started dinner and I then sat on the couch (which I haven't been doing lately because of all my homework).  After about 15 minutes or so, he asked me what was up.  I just started to cry.  I was so mad I couldn't hold it together.  When I managed to finally get some words out, I just said please hear me out, I need to talk to you.  I told him the good news, told him when the baby would most likely be born; February and this is what he says, "another February birthday"? I'm not doing this, no!  I couldn't tell if he was serious or not...I started to think he was.  Then  he said, yes, let's do it!:)  What??  Are you serious??  This was such a special moment for me.  We saw eye to eye after many months of not and he was just as happy about it as I was. We are about to start IVF#2!!

We have some timing issues to figure out.  We have a trip to CA planned for the end of March and if we start BCP when this next AF is to start on Feb. 24th, that puts us at this weekend for ER/ET (egg retrieval and embryo transfer).  So this would not work.  My Re actually wanted to start now since he already started me on BCP last Monday.  Only issue, DH and I have blood tests we have to get done and he can only do it on a Sat. and the soonest he can do it is the 26th at 8 AM.  If we started now, we would be in our tww while in CA which is fine because this requires no appointments until the day of my beta. Otherwise, we wait till end of March's AF to start. Which is fine, but it just worries me waiting this long since we have no idea what my body is up to.  But, this prayer of doing IVF with my eggs was answered so it's evident God is working in our lives and has a plan.  I just need to trust in Him and just take it one day at a time.

I will be calling my nurse tomorrow to tell her that we are ready to start, I will tell her our situation with the 6 days we will be gone in March and she will talk with me RE and they will call me back with a plan.  I'm so excited!  I've been waiting so patiently for this day to come.  I really never thought it would.  I knew a donor IVF cycle would or adoption, but another chance with my eggs, just amazing!!!!  So I will know more tomorrow and have a plan.  I have to schedule a mock embryo transfer still and it might be too late with this cycle.

Never doubt the power of prayer! We don't even know if this will work.  But knowing that we have another chance to have a little Lauren/Anthony is all that matters.  I know that God has a plan, and boy is he ever surprising us.  We can't thank you enough for all your love and support throughout our infertility journey!  We will have our take home baby, I just know it!

I'm sure I'm missing a ton of things, and if I am, I'll do another post tomorrow.  Plus I will need to post an update of our plan so I will make sure to keep you all well informed!


Here's to all the 2012 mommies-to-be!!!!!!! 


xox,
-L-

..RE follow-up postponed..

My follow-up was suppose to be this past Friday, but I was so not feeling good, so I rescheduled it for this coming Wednesday, February 9th at 11:45.  This experience with my new clinic and new Dr has been amazing.  My first clinic my RE never called me to check up on me or call to squeeze me into a sooner appointment.  The level of care just wasn't there.  My new RE, he's amazing!  He is so kind and thoughtful.  He always calls me after my nurse delivers the not so best of news just to make sure I'm doing ok and to explain things and if I have any questions.  When I rescheduled my appointment, the receptionist gave me the soonest available which was for Feb. 22.  I took it just because I knew I had no other choice.

So what did my Dr do?  About 2 hours after I called to reschedule, he called me asking me if I could come in next week?  That he wanted to get me in as soon as possible.  Of course I said yes.  This meant so much to me.  He is looking out for my best interest and doesn't want me to wait to be treated (whatever this may be).  My clinic has proven to be one of the best clinic's around in my opinion.  If you are in the Northern Virginia or Maryland area, I highly recommend going to Shady Grove Fertility.  They truly care about their patients and it shows.  I have been very pleased so far and I'm thankful that they came so highly recommended to me.

I'm on my second week of BCP, so far so good (I guess).  The only issue I have is the make me very nauseous if I don't take it with food.  So I have to make sure I have a full stomach before I take them.  The pains are still there, just not as intense.

I will update Wednesday night with how my follow-up went and where we go from here.  Thanks for all your kind words and prayers.  They mean so much to my DH and I!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Sunday and a great week!

Talk to you all soon!

-L-

..Cryosurgery follow up #2 with OBGYN..

Today I had follow up #2 for my Cryosurgery I had this past May.  November's pap came back clear and we are crossing our fingers this one does too.  Follow up #3 is scheduled for May 2.  I'm so glad they monitor you so closely when you've have pre-cancerous cells removed.  It helps me to not worry so much. But I'm in good hands and I know that if they did come back, my Dr would take the proper steps to remove them again.

I brought up the pain.  I told her how intense it has been.  More than usual.  I'm nauseous 24/7, I'm bloated, my lower back hurts, my ovary aches and hurts and constantly has sharp, stabbing pains, my hips ache, my bowels are a disaster and my bladder hates me.  I told her that at the moment, we aren't seeking any treatments until we are in a house (blah, blah, blah).  She doesn't like to interfere with my RE's treatment plan, but I told her that I feel most comfortable with her treating me for the Endo and for my RE to treat me for the IVF treatments.  I know he is fully capable of treating me, I just have this tie to my OBGYN, hence she has done all 3 of my surgeries.  I'm most comfortable with her.  She said, let's try you on the pill for about 3 months and see how the pain level is then.  She is just afraid that my endo is going to eat my uterus away and destroy it before it has a chance to carry a baby.  The best treatment other than another lap, is BCP.  If after 3 months the pain is still too intense, then we will discuss the possibility of removing my uterus!  This is a huge decision and not a decision I'm ready to make.  I trust her and I know her fears are valid.  She confirmed I have Stage 4 Endo (the worst possible) and it's only a matter of time before the Endo destroys my uterus and the remaining reproductive parts I have left.  So right now the goal is to try to preserve my uterus the best we can to give it a chance to carry a baby either through IVF w/my eggs or Donor eggs.

The BCP that she prescribed is the same one my RE prescribed so this is good because I started them on Monday night.  It's a mild BCP.  She wants me to have some hormones in my body to keep me somewhat normal so that I don't feel too menopausal.  I will skip the week of the sugar pills and go straight into the next pack to avoid having a period.  If no period, new Endo has a harder time growing!

I will see my RE on Friday at 11:15 and then take some time to process everything and come up with a plan of attack based on what he tells us.

None of this is new news, so it's not shocking to hear I could loose my uterus soon. There is always a surrogate and adoption.  We have options, just might not be the options we had hoped for.

God is in control and we just have to trust in Him!  As hard as this is, it's all we can really do!  No amount of worry is going to change the cards we've been dealt.  It's part of life, our life and we will get through it.

Look for an RE update sometime this weekend.

Thanks for your continued support, love and prayers!

-L-
<3

..CD3 Appointment with my RE..

Hi ladies (maybe gents)-

Sorry for the delay in posting an update.  Didn't have the best night last night and didn't feel like talking about this.  So Monday I went in for CD3 BW/US at my Fertility Clinic.  A little background quick to help you understand why this appointment was so monumental.

• From March (when I had my 3rd surgery) until November, my body was in shut down mode. 
• From March till April my body was trying to get on a normal cycle by itself.  
• From April till June my body was suppressed with Lupron injections.
• From July till November we waited for my body to wake up.
• October 1st AF induced by Provera.
• Beginning of December first AF started on it's own.
• Jan. 1 (27 days after Dec AF) AF started on it's own AGAIN.
• Jan. 28th (28 days after Jan. 1 AF) AF started on it's own.

The past two cycles have made me wonder what's been going on.  When my RE started the vaginal ultrasound, he turned the screen to show me 6 follicles inside my ovary.  This was great news.  For 8 months there was no activity with my ovary and it was very, very small.  He said the size looked good and that the 6 follicles could be a sign that my body is waking up.  He knew I was there to see if IVF w/my eggs was a possibility, so seeing this was great news.  But, of course, we still had to wait for the blood test results because this really tell all and gives the whole picture of what's really going on.  At about 2 pm that afternoon, my nurse called and gave me the results.  

Background on FSH:

September FSH - 42 (ouch)

October FSH - 17 (much better but still too high)

January FSH - 11.9

My clinic likes to see an FSH of 8 or below for an IVF cycle with my eggs.  A high FSH is an indicator of premature ovarian reserve and a reduced amount of eggs.  I've known all along I've had this so this doesn't surprise me that my FSH is still elevated.

Estrogen:

Estrogen level has never been elevated.  I've been having some intense hot flashes lately, and I know why now.  

Estrogen was - 76.3 (it should be 50 or lower)

An elevated estrogen level can be an indicator of premenopause/menopause.  This surprised me.  So it's not just one hormone level, it's now 2 that are elevated.  

I'm producing follicles that hopefully contain eggs, but my hormone levels are elevated..what does this all mean?  I have a follow-up with my RE on Friday morning at 11:15 to discuss these results and where we go from here.  I want my RE's honest opinion about whether or not he thinks IVF w/my eggs is worth a try or not.  I want answers.  So in the meantime, he put me on BCP's - Ortho Novum to prepare my body for a Mock Embryo Transfer.  

DH is still on the house band wagon.  It doesn't seem like he gets how important it is to start IVF NOW if we are given the green light to use my eggs.  The longer we wait, the more damage my Endo will do which will lesson the chances of using my own eggs if not worse.  We have a lot to think about and some big decisions to make.  Deep down, I have this feeling our only option is going to be Donor Eggs. I want to think positively, but it's so hard when I continually get the same bad news that my hormone levels are too high.  I'm anxious for my appointment on Friday and just want to know our options.

I have my appointment with my OBGYN tomorrow at 12:15.  This is a follow-up from my cryosurgery last May to remove the pre-cancerous cells on my cervix.  I'm also going to bring up the pain I've been experiencing lately and all the nausea.  It's getting really hard to eat and forcing myself is nearly impossible.  I constantly feel like I'm going throw up.  I hate it.  I waste so much food because after about 2-3 bites, I'm nauseous and feel like throwing up.  Bleh.

So this is where I am at.  I'll post an update tomorrow on how my appointment goes with my OBGYN!!! Hoping she can give me some good meds to get me through this pain and nausea.  PLEASE!!!!

I'm off to bed to now to snuggle up with my bf, the heating pad!  It's a nightly ritual we have going that seems to be working out well!:)

Hope your all doing well! 

Happy hump day!:)

Lots of love,

-L-

..AF & BW/US appointment..

It's me, I'm still alive.  There hasn't been a whole lot to update on since we had been waiting for our new insurance to kick in.  Well, we are now fully insured again and we have infertility coverage that is a-MAZING!!!!  A lot has been discussed and decided between the hubs and I these past few months.  Being told that our best chance at conceiving was through Donor Egg IVF, we didn't put much thought into given my body another try.  Well, finding out my IVF coverage does NOT cover Donor, but covers 4 IVF cycles, we decided to give my body another try as long as our RE thinks it's worth a shot.  He gave us a 20% chance of conceiving with my eggs, so to me, 20% is better than a 0% chance!

AF showed up yesterday for the third month in a row on her own.  She showed up exactly 28 days from my last cycle.  Crazy that it's so regular now but yet my body doesn't work? Go figure.  I called my RE yesterday and spoke to my nurse.  I told her that we wanted to discuss the option of IVF with my eggs before proceeding on with Donor, so on Monday I am going in for CD3 BW/US to see how my hormone levels are and what my ovary looks likes.  He will then be able to base his decision off what he sees.  I've also been experiencing the endo pains again!  It seems like every year around this time it starts to get bad and I end up having surgery.  I really don't want surgery again so soon.  My only concern is, DH and I have decided to post-pone doing an IVF cycle until after we have bought a house which we are in the process of doing.  He wants to be established first (I understand this, but I'm not happy about it) so if we do decide to use my eggs, the longer we wait, the more my endo has the chance to make things even worse to where we could loose this chance.  I'm not making any decisions until I speak with my RE.  If we are indeed waiting a few months to start the next IVF cycle, I can't just let the endo go, I have to go on some type of treatment to prevent it from growing....NO LUPRON again...I don't care how well it worked, it was awful and I'm never doing it again.  So we have some decisions to make.

I have an appointment with my OBGYN on Wednesday for another follow up pap from my cryo surgery last May.  Crossing my fingers for a normal pap!  I also want to discuss my pain with her since she has been the one treating my endo since the beginning.  I will see what my RE says and then what she thinks and go from there.  I'm getting really sick of all this waiting.  Everybody that I started my IVF journey with all have babies now!  I think it's my turn next right?  I think so.  Adoption is still an option. "Just need the house first"!  So we are hoping to be in a house by Spring and then start an IVF cycle soon after.  I'm hoping my RE says it's best to try now because of how bad my endo is and how fast things are progressing.  But this doesn't mean that DH will go for it!  He's really hot and cold on this subject now and it's really frustrating.  You either want a baby or ya don't!  Which one is it buddy?  You should see him with niece....he's ridiculously in LOVE with HER!  I think he just needs to hear it from the DR that NOW is the best chance!  We'll see.

So, Monday at 7:30 AM is my BW/US and Wednesday at 12:15 PM is my appointment with my OBGYN.  I will post an update on Monday or Tuesday from Monday's appointment and then one for Wed's appointment hopefully that night.  No guarantees though, sorry!  I'm in school and it's kicking my butt!

I hope everyone is don't well!  Lots of BFP's out there....CONGRATS to all you ladies!:)

Have a great rest of the weekend!

-Lauren-