I am so sorry to keep you all waiting on my update from my follow-up with my RE yesterday. My mind has been in a million places. Let's cut to the chase and get to the good stuff now. My appointment went better than I could have EVER expected. After all the bad news I've heard since September, I had prepared myself for the worst. I would hear, "No, IVF with your eggs just is not an option, Donor is the best route"! This is NOT how the appointment went. He said he felt very encouraged by my ultrasound last week with seeing the 6 follicles in my ovary and my FSH being at 11.9 not 42 like in Sept. He said, YES to IVF with MY eggs!!!! Are you serious? A chance to have a child all of our own??? I couldn't believe it. For 6 months I had to come to terms with knowing that I would most likely never know a child of mine would look like. This was the hardest thing to come to terms with and accept. But I did. We were so thankful for the other options out there. They just weren't attainable at the moment. I left the appointment on cloud 9! I cried the whole way back to work with tears of happiness. This is an answer to a prayer!:)
DH and I had an agreement when we found out we couldn't have a child with my eggs, that we would concentrate on buying a house and then focus on a family. We knew we couldn't take out a loan for a baby (since my insurance only covers IVF with my eggs, not donor) and then get a house loan...we would never qualify. We never expected to hear this. DH is very responsible and likes to stick to plans and agreements we make. One of the many qualities I love about him. Before this appointment, I would casually bring up the 'what if's'. What if we could do IVF with my eggs? He always said, no, we made an agreement. So when I got this good news, I was so scared to tell him. I didn't want to hear the NO!!!! The agreement now to me wasn't valid. The IVF is FREE, we can still shop for a house, get a home loan and prepare for a baby all at the same time. I told him via text yesterday that I would tell him all about it when I got home. Did I? Nope. I didn't say a word all night. I was a wreck. All day at work I just kept thinking, I need to tell him, he has to understand and want this as much as I do.
I was going to avoid it till the weekend, but I couldn't handle it anymore. I came home, we started dinner and I then sat on the couch (which I haven't been doing lately because of all my homework). After about 15 minutes or so, he asked me what was up. I just started to cry. I was so mad I couldn't hold it together. When I managed to finally get some words out, I just said please hear me out, I need to talk to you. I told him the good news, told him when the baby would most likely be born; February and this is what he says, "another February birthday"? I'm not doing this, no! I couldn't tell if he was serious or not...I started to think he was. Then he said, yes, let's do it!:) What?? Are you serious?? This was such a special moment for me. We saw eye to eye after many months of not and he was just as happy about it as I was. We are about to start IVF#2!!
We have some timing issues to figure out. We have a trip to CA planned for the end of March and if we start BCP when this next AF is to start on Feb. 24th, that puts us at this weekend for ER/ET (egg retrieval and embryo transfer). So this would not work. My Re actually wanted to start now since he already started me on BCP last Monday. Only issue, DH and I have blood tests we have to get done and he can only do it on a Sat. and the soonest he can do it is the 26th at 8 AM. If we started now, we would be in our tww while in CA which is fine because this requires no appointments until the day of my beta. Otherwise, we wait till end of March's AF to start. Which is fine, but it just worries me waiting this long since we have no idea what my body is up to. But, this prayer of doing IVF with my eggs was answered so it's evident God is working in our lives and has a plan. I just need to trust in Him and just take it one day at a time.
I will be calling my nurse tomorrow to tell her that we are ready to start, I will tell her our situation with the 6 days we will be gone in March and she will talk with me RE and they will call me back with a plan. I'm so excited! I've been waiting so patiently for this day to come. I really never thought it would. I knew a donor IVF cycle would or adoption, but another chance with my eggs, just amazing!!!! So I will know more tomorrow and have a plan. I have to schedule a mock embryo transfer still and it might be too late with this cycle.
Never doubt the power of prayer! We don't even know if this will work. But knowing that we have another chance to have a little Lauren/Anthony is all that matters. I know that God has a plan, and boy is he ever surprising us. We can't thank you enough for all your love and support throughout our infertility journey! We will have our take home baby, I just know it!
I'm sure I'm missing a ton of things, and if I am, I'll do another post tomorrow. Plus I will need to post an update of our plan so I will make sure to keep you all well informed!
Here's to all the 2012 mommies-to-be!!!!!!!
xox,
-L-
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