..HSG and Results..

Hi blog world!

So I had my HSG today.  My first one was in July of 09 and it went well.  Not as painful as I had thought it would be.  I worked myself up for nothing as usual. Tubes were clear.  This HSG I was nervous for, but not as bad.  I knew that I would experience cramping but nothing like I experienced today!!!!!  Holy Crap! When I had my cryosurgery in April to remove pre-cancerous cells, it was very painful and almost passed out.  I knew my cervix was very tender and sensitive and figured I might feel the same pain today.  Boy was I right!

My lovely sis-n-law (SIL) was nice enough and took me to my appointment.  This helped calm my nerves. I was lucky enough to get the same Dr as last time and she was such a sweetheart!!!  She was so kind and gentle.  I was able to relax my legs more than when at the OBGYN and she let me basically lay down with my legs only propped a little.  Much more comfortable than being in stirrups.  She explained what she was doing at each point and as soon as she put the catheter in through my cervix, I instantly started to cramp.  It wasn't bad just yet.  Then she put the dye in and bam, the intense cramping started.  I was able to look at the monitor and see the dye pour out through my tubes (yay!!!) and this helped distract me.  Then she had me turn to my left, then turn to my right, and then back on my back and this was the worst cramping I have ever felt (besides my periods)!  It was awful.  I couldn't concentrate on the monitor anymore and just wanted the damn catheter to come out.  I told her how bad it was hurting and she thankfully was done and took it out immediately.

I had some minor cramping after but nothing I couldn't handle.  My tubes are completely clear and they both look great!:)  Awesome news even though I don't need my tubes for IVF!  Now we are just waiting on my DH's SA and then for Sept. 1 to get here for AF to not show so I can call my RE to get this cycle going.  One more thing I can check off my list, HSG DONE!

Some possible good news:


I had a job interview today that if I get the job, we will have the most amazing infertility benefits.  It will be such an answer to our prayers!!!!

We would have:

*6 IUI attempts (even though we aren't doing IUI due to male factor infertility)
*4 IVF attempts including all medications
*5,000 in adoption assistance
*DH gets two weeks paid time off when the baby is born
*12 weeks full pay for maternity leave under short-term disability
*24 weeks time off without pay for FMLA
*Daycare assistance
*Flexible work schedule

Can you say AWESOME????

Company "Blank" is rated of the 50 best companies to offer such amazing family planning benefits.  They are geared towards family and this is exactly the kind of company I want to work for!

I think the interview went well.  I stumbled on a pretty easy question but I don't think it will hurt my chances.  I just got nervous.  I want this job so bad!  I know that if it's God's will, it will work out.  I just hate the waiting!  All I seem to do lately is wait, and wait some more!

Please keep my DH and I in your prayers!  We really need this job in this time in our lives and it would relieve so much stress in the baby-making!!!!

I'll let you know how it goes!

Till then, Happy Weekend!!!!! :)

-Lauren

..Just waiting..

This seems to be the story of my life lately! WAITING and more WAITING!

Some things I don't mind waiting for, but when it comes to having a family, I'm done WAITING! 

Even with the loss of my job, I never thought we would be waiting for this long to start our 2nd IVF cycle.  It's tough and I'm really annoyed by it all.

I never updated you all on what my Dr decided to do after my blood results were in from my appointment a little over a week ago.  I didn't end up seeing my Dr, but the other Dr in the office who I like as well.  I knew from the beginning from the way she was talking, she wasn't going to put me on Provera.  My blood tests came back fine and I was told to wait it out till Sept. 1 to let AF arrive on her own if possible.  Even without a period, they said I could go ahead and schedule my HSG (weird since your suppose to do this between CD 5-10 of your menstrual cycle).  My HSG is this Thursday 8/26 at 10:00 AM.  My SIL is taking me just in case I experience some pain and I'm unable to drive....I'm so thankful she is here to help me and is so supportive!:)  With the pain I felt from my cryosurgery, I just want to be extra cautious this time around because I don't want to experience this kind of pain again since it involves my cervix.  My DH will have his SA done this week or next depending on the day they have open for him to go in and drop it off.  Enough said on that subject.  

I'm stressing, and I'm stressing a lot.  My insurance will be ending Sept 1st and I have no clue how soon COBRA kicks in.  I'm afraid to have all this done in the next week and to get a bill in the mail because they processed the claim after Sept 1. which would mean I have no coverage (unless COBRA goes in effect immediately).  I just don't want any surprises.  I just hate no knowing if I will have a job with infertility coverage.  Health Insurance never used to be such a huge priority on my list when choosing a job.  Now that I'm married and have so many health issues, it's on the top of my list of being the most important thing I'm looking for in a job.  My DH and I have decided that it's worth it to pay the two months of COBRA  (the time we need to complete our IVF cycle) to continue with this IVF cycle.  If we get our BFP, then we will cancel COBRA and either sign up for our own personal health plan so I have OB coverage, or if I have a job, choose the best HMO/HMO type plan they have even if there is no infertility coverage.  If we don't get our BFP, then we would have to wait, just like before.  I would have exhausted all my IVF coverage and even if I did land a job with the same company again, I would have to wait till next July again to start round #3 because this is when open enrollment is to change health coverage.  So everything is up in the air right now.  All I know is we are going forward with our plan and praying and hoping we get our BFP!  If this means we only have one child (for now), we are ok with this!  We will just be so happy and blessed with the one little miracle we have!:) 

I had another interview today with the same company who laid me off but I don't like the position.  It's a high level receptionist position with no room for flexibility.  Meaning Dr's appointments would have to be after work or before and this would not work with all the IVF and reg OBGYN appointments I have. It's a very strict 8-5 job and a 7 AM monitoring appointment would make me late to work.  So, I'm in a tough position.  The job offers the same benefits I have now but I wouldn't even be able to use them.  I would be stuck at work all the time with only a 30 minute lunch.  I had another interview last Friday that went well, but the insurance only covers myself, not my DH.  If they offer me a job, I will be very honest with them about the only reason I would deny their offer is because of the health insurance hoping they will be able to work something out with me.  I have no idea what their plans cover and I'm not too sure how to go about finding this out without giving away too much personal information.  Any advice on this matter would be much appreciated!

I have another interview on Thursday evening with a Dental Office that pays well.  It would be a great experience and hoping they offer good health insurance! Crossing my fingers!

How I'm feeling physically:

Thankfully, I no longer feel the crazy symptoms of the Lupron anymore.  I've been nauseous pretty much every day usual at night when trying to fall asleep.  I know this is a symptom that goes along with endo so it's a norm for me and it doesn't worry me, it's just a crappy feeling.  I have been crampy off and on but no spotting or bleeding.  I'm very bloated like always.  Lately, I've been having those sharp pains (endo pains) and it concerns me a little.  I'm hoping that if it is starting to grow back, that it's growing slowly so that it doesn't interfere with this IVF cycle...please!  This is why I want to get started so bad....I want to beat the endo from taking over again.  Once I'm pregnant, the endo won't be so bad at least in my uterus and on.  I have it other places so it can still grow even without a period unfortunately.  I've been really tired lately and haven't been able to stay up like I normally can.  I've been listening to my body when it tells me it's tired and making myself go to bed.  I've been trying to not take my sleeping pills to see how I do sleeping on my own.  I have some good nights, and some bad nights.  But I like knowing that I do have nights where I can fall asleep on my own and STAY asleep.  I'm a clock watcher and this is the main reason I have to take sleeping pills...I can't stay asleep.  It's awful!  But, for some reason I'm doing pretty good right now.

This summer has been crazy and I haven't been the best at sticking to my IVF diet and exercising.  But, now will all this time off, I have no excuse to get back to 100%!  

Every morning I hope to find spotting or bleeding!  But of course I'm always disappointed!  I'm counting down the days till Sept 1. and I can't wait to get this show on the road!  Everyone has been so supportive and feels so positive about this cycle.  I hope they are right!  I'm trying to stay as positive as I can regardless of our situation!  I know a job will come through and that God will take care of us.  He knows what we desire and he will provide in due time...His timing!!!!  I have to trust this.  It's hard, but I have to.  DH has been awesome through all of this and I couldn't imagine going through this without him.  He gets me and understands me and I love him so much for this!  Not everybody does get me and he is a true blessing! 

I hope to have great news within the week.  I will update as soon as I have more news on when this cycle will be starting.  Praying my HSG goes well and comes back clear.  Praying the DH's SA is better than 7/09 SA!  Praying for our dreams to come true and that we bring home our miracle baby next June!:)

I hope everyone is doing well.  Praying for all the BFP's out there and for all many, many successful IUI and IVF, and FET cycle's!  Just BELIEVE!  It will happen, and it will happen for all of us some way or another!

Talk to you all soon!

Much Love,

Lauren

..Finally..

I finally spoke with my RE and I am going in tomorrow morning at 7:30 for blood work/ultrasound. From there, they will see what's going on and hopefully start me on Provera tomorrow night. My nurse said that she will send me home with a prescription for provera and will start that night based on the blood work and ultrasound results. To me, this is the only way to get AF to start to nasty self. Then one she arrives, I will go for my HSG between days 5-10, go for a follow-up about two weeks later and then wait again for AF. Once she arrives again, then I will most likely start Lupron for about a week to suppress my system to be able to start stims. So things are finally coming a long. I've been waiting so long for my stupid period to start. It's been driving me crazy.


I've got a lot going on right now and I'll update more later. I just wanted to let everyone know that the next step has started and we are one step closer to our baby!


I'll update tomorrow after my appointment!


Thanks for all your love and support! Means so much to me!:)


Much Love,
Lauren

..Still waiting..

So I'm still waiting...waiting ever so patiently on AF!!! It has been over a month now since my last Lupron shot so you would think it would be out of my system by now. But no, still no AF! It's starting to frustrate me. I just want to get this next IVF cycle started. My nurse at my RE's office called to check in yesterday, but I missed the call so I'm waiting to hear back from her again. I want to ask how much longer I need to try to wait for AF to come on it's own and when we would try to make it start if it never comes. So hopefully they give me something to make it start so we can get the testing on it's way so we can start stims. My insurance lasts until the last day of August then Cobra kicks in if I haven't found another job by then. I actually have an interview tomorrow with my same company who laid me off so I'm crossing my fingers I get the job so I can continue having full fertility coverage.


So this is where I am at right now. Just waiting. I hate it! So hopefully she decides to make her appearance this week. It's gonna be a doozy of a period too. So not looking forward to this. 


I'll let you know when she arrives!:)


Hope everyone is doing well!


*~*Losts*~*of*~*sticky*~*baby*~*dust*~*to*~*all*~*!!!!


Love,
Lauren

..If two pieces of bad news weren't enough, now there are 3!!!!

When it rains, it pours!!!!

Bad luck always comes in 3's!!!!

I've hit the bad luck pot!!!!

I told you in my last post that the house we had a contract on fell through. We also found out that our lender mislead us and told us we qualified for the house, to then being told we weren't while deep in the middle of a contract. If this wasn't enough to deal with. The news of my boss quitting was the best news and I had was beginning to see things on the positive side. Our plan to move to CA was still in effect and I was excited about my job search.

Then on Tuesday, it all came crashing down.

I had only been at work for about 3 hours to be pulled into one of our managers office and was given the most shocking news: They were laying me off!!!!! My boss was out of town so his boss delivered the bad news!!! They say it was due to budget cuts! Not so sure I believe this. I was in complete shock and couldn't believe it! It took me awhile to process it all. I felt this was just opening the door wider to move to CA and it would give me the time to focus on really hunting for a job in CA and being free to travel for interviews. Then it hit me, on no my health insurance and IVF! I knew that my insurance could continue through Cobra and we could still do IVF but how on hearth would we ever afford Cobra? I've heard it's very expensive. Living off my DH's income, my unemployment (who knows how much this will be) how will we afford paying for Cobra and then all the co pays that come along with IVF. I strongly feel that if this is important enough to us to continue IVF, we will make it work. My DH on the other hand, isn't so sure about it anymore. I told him it would only be a handful of copay's and in the long run it will be so worth it to get our miracle baby.

I know that everything will work out. Just right now I'm having a hard time staying positive. Everything hit me yesterday and I had a huge meltdown. I'm so afraid to hit rock bottom again after doing well for so many months. This stress will not be good for my body if we continue to go through with IVF. I know my DH will come around, I just think he needs time to process it all. Thankfully, I can transfer to another position within my company if there are any available and there are. My hope is to get an interview next week and be hired before my last day on Friday. I wouldn't have to go on unemployment and I wouldn't loose my health insurance. This would be a miracle if it actually happened! I just pray that God helps me stay strong and positive throughout this tough time. My DH tends to get really stressed about money and I hope he can see beyond this and know that this is only a temporary situation. We will get through this. 

I'm doing ok right now. I'm kind of numb to the whole situation. We could use all the prayers we can get right now and they are much appreciated!!!

I'll update more when I have more news about my job hunt.

Thanks for all your love and support!

-Lauren

..It's been awhile..

It's been awhile since my last post so I figured it was time I post an update. Since I can't use blogger at work, I have a harder time updating my blogs. So I'm sorry for my lack of posts. I have two updates: IVF update & Life Update. I'll start with IVF.


IVF update:
Not much has changed since my last post. Yesterday marked a month since my last lupron shot. Today is one day past my normal shot day and I am now waiting for AF to arrive. I can feel stuff going on down there so I know something is gonna happen, I just don't know when. I'm hoping it's soon so that we can get started with this next cycle. Praying that everything continues to go well and as planned. So for now, I'm just waiting which I HATE DOING!


Life update:
I came home from a wonderful week in so cal to find out that I'm being laid off from my job. My last day is Friday, July 30th! I am in complete shock. They say it's due to budget cuts but I'm not sure I believe this with all the issues I've had with my boss. I found out over vacation that my boss had quit and his last day is this Friday. I was so excited to finally be free of him and to not be so stressed out at work to finding out I'm being let go! WTF!!! I was in shock for most of the day yesterday. I didn't want to think about what this all meant. First issue for me is my health insurance. As you all know, we are about to start our next IVF cycle and thought what the heck happens now. Well, thankfully I can collect unemployment. I have no idea how much this will be but at least it's something. I will be given the option to continue my health coverage through Cobra. The bad part of this is Cobra is very expensive. I will be paying whatever I paid per month plus the premium amount my employer paid. I have no clue what this amount is going to be and it worries me. How can they expect someone who is unemployed to be able to afford Cobra? We will make it work somehow. If I am paying an arm and a leg for this insurance, I might as well get my money's worth by continuing IVF. The added expense of baby would be tough if I didn't have a job by June 2011. I doubt this will be the case. I'm confident I will find something in the next few months. I just pray we can afford everything. 


My husband tends to stress about money and he seems to be okay with things right now and is being very supportive. I just hope he stays this way. I don't need the added stress of his worry about money. We always have found a way to get by when money was tight. Thankfully we have supportive families that won't see let us fall apart. God has a plan for us and I have to trust in Him and be confident that he will provide.


Then to add more stress, our house that we have a contract on is not going so good. It's a short-sale and the banks are screwing with us. They keep counter offering higher and higher and won't budge on their offer. After leaving so cal we decided to withdraw from the contract. We don't want to keep going around and around with the banks to only come to an end with no house. Our options suck right now as far as house options go. We have decided on a new plan that we are very excited about. We feel that God is opening so many doors to our new plan with the house falling through and me being laid off. Everything happens for a reason and I know that God wouldn't give us something we couldn't handle. He obviously has a better plan for us!:) I'm bummed about it all, but have to stay strong if we want this IVF to work! I can now focus on me and my body and if I do become pregnant, I can ease myself back into things without the stresses of work for awhile.


I know we will be ok. It just sucks all of this had to happen at the same time. It will be hard to stick it out at my job till next Friday, but if I want to transfer within the company, I have to keep my record in good standing. I've applied to 4 jobs within my company and 7 outside. Out of the 11 jobs, one has to come through. We shall see!


I'll update again once AF starts to fill you all in on the next steps. As of now, I'll go in on CD3 for blood work and then between days CD5-CD10 I will go in for my HSG. Then wait for our follow up about two weeks later. It's almost here and I'm so excited!:)


Thanks again for your continued support!


Talk to you all soon!
Lauren

..count your blessings..

 Count your blessings..

For some, conceiving a child is done by sharing an intimate 

moment with your significant other.

For me, I have to PAY to have a child!

How is this fair?

"Oops, we're pregnant"

"This wasn't planned, it just happened"

"I've only been off birth control a month and I'm pregnant"

"I missed a few days of the pill, I'm pregnant"

"We weren't really trying"

"We conceived naturally"

These are the words I hear from those who don't have to 

PAY for their child!

This is how our child is conceived:

By IVF w/ICSI

What does this mean?

This means they take my eggs put them in a dish, 

and directly inject them with sperm.

This way bypasses the issues of the sperm fertilizing the egg

on it's own in the dish.

(this is the case when you have sperm issues).

Be careful with the choice of words you choose when speaking

to a woman who is suffering from infertility.

Refrain from saying, "You have plenty of time to have babies"!

This isn't the case for us suffering with infertility.

This is one of the comments that is the most hard to hear.

If you are one of the lucky one's who can conceive on your own,

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!

I can't tell you how lucky you are!

I envy you.

My DH and I tried for 1.5 years to conceive on our own and 

nothing worked. 

We were trying not knowing it would never happen.

You are so blessed to be able to conceive a child

out of love.

Don't take this as a complaint or anger towards those

who can conceive naturally.

I'm just simply pointing out how hard it is to accept

the fact your is child being created from a petri dish with 

someone else's hands!

I am forever grateful for this 2nd chance at having a baby

through IVF!

God has placed us here in this situation for a reason.

I have to TRUST this.

Our baby will be loved beyond belief!!!!!

Thanks for reading.

STICKY BABY DUST TO ALL SOON TO BE 2011 MOMMIES!

LOVE,

LAUREN