..Happy New Year!..

Happy New Year!!!!

Wishing for everyone's dreams to come true and no more dreams to be shattered!

2011 will be a year of many miracles and blessings!

Cheers to all the new Mommies out there and to all those waiting for their BFP!

This is going to be OUR year!

Much Love,

Lauren

..The Holidays..

Hello my virtual friends!  I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas!  As hard as Christmas can be on those of us who are struggling with infertility, I had a really great Christmas!!!  Being with my niece was such a joy and was so special!  She truly has blessed my heart in more ways than I could have ever imagined!  She's the greatest!!!=)  I was lucky to spend Christmas eve with my wonderful in-laws and company.  Lots of food (too much food) and way too many presents.  Later Christmas Eve night, DH and drove to the airport to pick up my parents.  It was so great to see them!  We got to spend Christmas Day with them along with my Dad's side of the family!  We had a blast...lots of yummy food and lots of laughter!  So, I can say Christmas 2010 was wonderful!

As joyous as the Christmas season can be, it isn't for all of us.  A family in CA needs your prayers right now.  It's a friend of mines friend who's son went home to be with Jesus on Christmas Eve.  Baby Samuel was only 2.5 weeks old and passed away due to under developed lungs.  Please keep this family in your prayers as they grieve the loss of their precious son.  This story has truly touched my heart and my heart goes out to them!  You can find their story here!  God works in mysterious ways and sometimes we will never understand why he does things the way he does.

Dh & I Christmas Day - 2010

May God continue to bless you and your family in 2011!

Much love,

Lauren

..Come check out my Vlogs & new Facebook page..

I have entered the Vlogging world....for those of you who are unaware of what this is, "vlogging (vlogs) are YouTube video blogs.  So it's basically my blog in video's.  There are times when it's just easier for me to speak what's on my mind.  I've enjoyed getting to know my friends in the Vlog world and know how much I've enjoyed watching all their video's that I decided it was time I join in the fun...as fun as infertility is to talk about!=)

You can find me on YouTube at:
http://www.youtube.com/user/toosassy1979

I've also created a private Face book page where I am able to share my thoughts and concerns without being bashed by certain family members that I just can't deal with anymore.

You can find me on Face book under:
MrsCips Ttcjourney

Note: Please don't be offended if I don't except your friend request.  I'm only allowing certain people to be my friends to avoid the drama with these certain family members!  It's a page where I can feel free to talk to my other fellow IF friends about our IF experiences.


Here is a newly posted vlog from my YouTube page:

PLEASE SUBSCRIBE....I love all my YouTube friends!=)

Stay tuned for more vlogs...my DH got me a handy dandy video camera (something similar to the Flip but much better) for Christmas so I have lots of vlogs lined up for the New Year!

Thanks for your continued support and virtual friendship!

Lauren

..I'm Alive..

Hi everyone!!!!

I am so sorry for my lack of posts!  I've been so busy with school and life in general that I have neglected by bloggie and youtube friends!  We haven't made a decision yet on what we want to do in regards to having a baby.  We had to put things on hold till Jan when my job becomes permanent so that we have IF coverage again.  Then everything from tests to treatments will be covered except donor IVF!  We have a lot to think about.  We really want to buy a house before our lease is up the end of Feb and then try for a baby.  But there are somethings we have to consider..that if we try my eggs one or two more times, we can't wait forever because of my Endo growing and taking over.  I am not on any treatments right now for the Endo so I have no idea what is going on inside.  I am still having pains just not as intense for the most part.

AF has been weird and irregular.  I just had my first period last week without being induced by Provera.  I've had two periods since my my surgery last March.  The Lupron really screwed my body up.  I've been experiencing some joint/bone pain which is a side effect of Lupron which causes bone loss.  It also can lead to Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis.  I have been having an intense amount of pain in my right arm in my elbow area.  It hurts to type and the pain is radiating down to my fingers.  My arm is in a constant dull aching pain and goes in and out from feeling numb.  I knew this could happen, I just didn't realize it couldn't happen so soon or that it would even happen to me.  I'm 100% positive this is what it is, but I've never experienced this pain before and it started after I started taking Lupron.  So once I'm insured through work starting Jan. 10, I have to go see a Rheumatologist.  I'm just trying to take things one day at a time.

The Mock Embryo Transfer is where we left off with our treatments with our new RE.  So once Jan. comes, I'll be scheduling this procedure for sometime in Jan and get everything done we need to in order to start either IVF with my eggs or Donor Egg IVF.  If we do Donor Egg IVF, we have some additional things we have to complete but I don't want to do these until I know if we are going this route or not.

The holiday's are always hard!  I just pray that I am able to enjoy myself and just think of all the positives in my life.  It doesn't matter how hard I try to avoid pregnant woman, they are every where in my life and some days it makes me just want to SCREAM!  I'm very happy for those who are close to me who are either ttc or who are pregnant, but it doesn't take the pain away just because they are my friends or my family!  Those of you struggling with IF understand this pain I feel.

I have a lot to say but my arm/hand can't take anymore typing for tonight.  I'll do an update again soon.   Thanks everyone for your continued support and love!  Praying for everyone in their ttc journey!


Much love,
Lauren

..Kudos to the Hubby..

I know I am such a slacker at posting updates lately and I'm so sorry for leaving you all hanging.  Work is crazy busy and I don't have a lot of time to do my blog stuff while at work.

My appointment after finishing the Mock EEP Cycle went so great!  I had no idea how my body would respond to the Del Estrogen injections.  My hubby gives them to me because being a worrier, I wanted to make sure that they were done right so I didn't drive myself crazy worrying over every little thing.  He did such a fantastic job that my lining responded so well it was 8.5 mm.  This is wonderful! They like to see it at 8 or above.  This means I can carry a baby.  The thick uterine lining is the best place for the embryo to implant. So one thing is in our favor!  I started Provera later that night to induce my period which started this past Saturday.  The next step was suppose to be the Mock Embryo Transfer, but because I am in between health insurance plans, I have to wait until Jan unless I want to pay out-of-pocket which I don't.  So for now, we just let my body take it's natural course and figure out where we want to go from here.  I'm sad we can't move onto the next step, but it's the smartest choice and it will eventually happen.

We still have not discussed or decided on a plan of where we want to go with this baby stuff!  The adoption is still an option (the girl I told you about before still hasn't come through) and so is the Donor Egg IVF!  It's a tough conversation for me because my hubby stresses about money and I don't want to bring on more stress for him by asking what we should do mainly in regards with the DE IVF and the cost.  $30,000 is HUGE! Yes, it is SO worth it to have a baby but we both have to be in agreement with this choice. I know he is for it I'm just not sure when in his mind he thinks we should pursue it. I have to have this conversation with him soon because it's eating me alive inside. My stomach hurts, I have anxiety and I'm sad. I hate this loss I feel and the emptiness.  Trusting that I will be a Mom has been hard when months and months go by and no progress in this area.

I am part of a wonderful online support group that has been there for me and has gotten me through the tough times.  I decided to ask some of the gals in my IVF w/DE group how they were able to afford treatments.  I wasn't sure what to expect or what people would say.  God definitely heard my prayers and  a wonderful lady reached out to me with an amazing possibility of affording DE IVF!! It's something I would have never considered before.  Cycling abroad in Europe!!! It's hard to trust other countries when you don't know a lot about them, but I've done some research on the program and it sounds amazing.  I will be speaking with her on the phone on Thursday to discuss more details.  It would require a journey to the Czech Republic! :)  The cost is unbelievable and it's legit.  I'm excited to learn more about it and to figure out if this is something we want to pursue!  It's affordable and seems more realistic. I will explain more once I speak with her. I'm excited about this possibility and feel like God is truly opening doors for us that we never thought would be possible.  This is not a decision to make quickly. It requires time, prayer and research.  So far, I love what I see!

Hope everyone is doing well and congrats to all the BFP's and all the new birth's!

Much love,
Lauren

..Mock EEP Cycle..

So I forgot to mention in my last post that after my appointment on 10/5/10, I started the injections for the Mock EEP cycle.  Every three days I give myself an injection of Del estrogen straight in my booty.  Not the greatest feeling.  This goes on for about two weeks and this Tuesday I go in for blood work and an ultrasound to see how my uterine lining has responded.  They are looking for a thick lining around 8-9cm (I think cm...something like that).  If all looks good, then we move to the next step and do a mock embryo transfer to make sure that a catheter easily goes into my uterus to place the embryo.  It went smoothly the first time with my first IVF so I imagine this time will be the same.  With these two tests done, we will find out if my uterus is healthy enough to carry a baby!!!  Fingers crossed.  The side effects aren't too bad.  My boobs have grown and I may have gained some lbs (fluid retention), but other than that, nothing major.  I will post on Tuesday with an update on the results and if we are moving onto the mock embryo transfer.


I really don't have any new news on the possible adoption.  All we know is the girl is wishy washy and she doesn't know she wants.  We aren't giving up, we are just looking into other possibilities as well.  I never knew there were so many details when it came to adopting.  Foster care and state adoption is in the mix, just not sure what road we want to go down as of yet.  We are still aways away from the actual start of a donor cycle.  We aren't even sure yet that we want to do this right now.  We have more blood tests to complete, social worker to meet with (2x) which is required by our clinic, a pap smear (coming up in a week) and then the financing and choosing the donor.  Once we get to this point, once we have chosen our donor, we then have to wait for 2-3 more couples to choose the same donor to begin the IVF cycle.  So we have some time to decide.  We know we can't come up with $30,000 cash.  Financing it is definitely the only option.  More debt weights very heavy on us more on my husband so it's not easy to move forward with this plan.  If we adopt, we can foster-adopt which is free, or go down the birth mom route without an agency and the cost being roughly around $5,000-$10,000 which my work cover's $5,000.  Right now financially, adoption seems to be the best choice.  We are praying about it and just waiting for a clear answer.  It's hard to justify spending so much money on a child when if we could have one naturally, it would be FREE!!!  This is when I feel that the situation that we are in is UN-FAIR!!!!  Why me and why us?  God chose this way for us and we have to choose whether or not to accept it.  We do thankfully! =)  


The one comforting thing about choosing the Donor IVF first, is it's a Shared-Risk Guarantee Program.  This means 6 attempts at IVF with a donor and if after 6 try's you don't bring home a baby, you get a full  refund!  We aren't in this to get our money back, but knowing that if we invest the money and time into that many attempts, we get the money back and can try all over again!  


We will come to a decision soon.  Even if it doesn't happen till the new year, I'll feel better knowing our plan.  As far as how I'm doing, feeling, I'm ok.  I've had some pretty down days and I'm definitely grieving the loss of not having my own child!  It's the worst pain EVER!  No one prepares you for this kind of pain.  No one can take it away.  I feel crappy inside and out.  Since my surgery in March I have gained more weight than I ever have in my entire life.  Those of you who know me, may not even noticed it, but I do.  I'm uncomfortable when I sit, when I stand and when I sleep.  The extra lbs on my sides and my thighs is not the greatest.  I've been consistently in the range of between 115-120 maybe 122.  Now?????  133.  I've never hit the 130 mark in the 31 years I've been alive.  I know a lot of it is bloating from having endo, but still, that's a lot of weight and a huge change for me.  I don't care so much about the #, it's being uncomfortable that I hate.  I also can't keep going out and buying new clothes every month because nothing fits.  I just bought new work pants about a month ago and they are already tight when I sit down.  Jeans are an issue now so I'm probably going to have to invest in some new jeans again!  


Praying for guidance, strength, clarity, peace and contentment!


We appreciate everyone's prayers and support!  They mean a lot to us.  I know I say this a lot, but truly they do!

I hope everyone is doing well.

I'll post again on Tuesday when I have the results from my appointment.

Night night!

Lauren

..It's a GO..

So my last post talked about the days leading up to my next follow-up/no AF business.  Well, last Tuesday was my follow-up ultrasound/blood work.  Guess what decided to show that day? AF!!!! Yes, I said it, AF!! I was so shocked..I couldn't believe it.  I knew something was up because I just didn't feel right over the weekend.  Then bam she came.  She only lasted two days and now nothing.  So who knows if this is how she is going to be all the time now. 

Appointment went just as expected.  My ovary is still very small and my FSH is still too high...it was 17 that day.  It needs to be below 8 for the best chance of a successful IVF cycle.  My RE gave me a 20% of the IVF working with my own eggs.  He said with the little ovarian tissue left and the high FSH, your best chance at conceiving is with Donor Eggs!!!!  Even though I had already heard this, him confirming it really hit me hard!  I started grieving the loss of never have my own child!  No one prepares you for this.  I know that I will be a Mom, just not the way I had always hoped and dreamed about.  As positive as I have been over the past 7 months, I'm finding it harder and harder to stay positive.  I just feel so cheated!  Everyone around me gets pregnant so easy and it just frustrates the hell outta me and it just isn't fair!  I know God has a plan, I just wish it would happen already.

I found out on Friday that my work doesn't cover DONOR IVF CYCLES!!!  They cover 4 regular IVF CYCLES so you would think that they would cover donor too.  This is frustrating.  Our only option now is to take out a fertility loan for $30,000 to cover the Shared Donor IVF cyle program - includes 6 IVF attempts.  It' more debt but when it comes to having a family, it's worth it.  Just have to convince the hubs.  He's coming around he just stresses about money so much that he can't see past it.  If it's something we both truly want, we will find a way to make it work.  Please Lord!!!

Adoption situation is still up in the air.  The girl is very wishy washy and we are just waiting to hear if she still wants to meet us or not (I hope I posted about this)!  So for now, we are just figuring out things and where we want to go with starting a family.  Which direction seems like the best one right now.  I'm doing my research and so far, adoption seems like the best option finance wise.  My work covers $5,000 towards adoption and there is a $12,500 tax credit so this is looking like our #1 option right now.  More details to come soon!

Please continue to keep us in your prayers...I'm experiencing my lows again and I'm finding it hard to stay positive and HAPPY!!! 

I hope everyone is doing well!  Best of luck to everyone starting an IUI/IVF cycle or who are about to have their little ones...Adrianne you are so close to meeting your little boys! We are so excited for you!:)

Love to you all,
Lauren

..Still hanging in there..

Hi blog friends!  It's been a few weeks since my last post so I thought I would just say a quick hello!  Things are going ok.  Still no AF and my body has no idea what it wants to do.  I've been having some pretty intense hot flashes and some yucky CM which I will NOT go into detail about! So not fun.  I have my next sonogram/blood work next Tuesday @ 7am to check my uterus lining, the size of my ovary and my FSH level.  From here, if everything is pretty much the same, we will start the MOCK EEP cycle.  This will be about a month's process so more waiting.  Even if things have changed for the better, this still does not change the damage of my ovary.  My FSH could lower, I could get a period or my lining could thicken, but if the ovary is damaged these things don't matter.  God has definitely been working in our lives.  As this now more than ever.

My granpda is very sick and won't be with us much longer.  He has a great sense of things to come and him saying that he see's our baby out there meant a lot to me.  His vision became so clear to us last week.  God has opened doors we didn't think we would be going down or going down so soon.  I don't want to jinx anything, but we've been approached by a friend about a possible adoption of an un-born infant.  My DH and I feel like this is the road that we are suppose to take right now.  I have never felt more at peace with my infertility than I do now.  I have come to terms with the fact that I may never bear my own children and I'm okay with this....yes shocking I know!  If you trust in the Lord, then you trust his will for your life.  I trust Him and I know that he will make us parents even if it's  not the way we had in visioned.  Adopting this baby is a gift that we could never have imagined.  It came as a complete surprise and we are waiting to hear more information to see if the girl wants to meet us.  It's a complicated situation and we are just praying that if this is meant to be, than it will happen.  Once we have more details, I will do another post.  Right now, we are just asking for prayers that if this is the road we are suppose to go down that we don't get our hearts broken in the end.  It's exciting but very scary at the same time!

Other than the usual, things are good! 

I hope everyone is doing well!!!

I look forward to updating more on the possible adoption!!!! :)

Much love,
.Lauren.

..There is hope..

With the devastating news we heard last week, I'm finding it harder to get the energy or the desire to post any updates.  When I have good news, I can't wait to post!  I don't have the energy to re-post the same thing on different sites, so I apologize that I keep pasting my posts from my other websites.

As you all know I had my follow-up with my RE last Friday!  Things went well.  He really explained things clearly and I feel so much better about going the donor route.  I trust him and this is important.  He has our best interest at heart!

I went for my Thyroid testing on Monday and I have fabulous news....MY THYROID LEVELS CAME BACK NORMAL!!!!!  This means no meds!!!  I guess you can have elevated thyroid levels along with high FSH but it doesn't mean it's a thyroid issue and this is my case.  YAY!!!:)  So one piece of good news is a good start!  Finding out I passed my background check was the best news I could have ever heard last week.  Knowing that I have 4 IVF cycles (I can't find anywhere saying it doesn't cover donor) not sure if they cover donor yet, but just knowing that we have the coverage, gives me so much hope.  I got a whole packet on the donor cycle and it makes more sense now.  The most affordable option out-of-pocket would be the Shared Donor Risk Program.  With this program, you have 1 donor and 2-3 recipients of the donor's eggs.  It's one flat fee of $30,000 per couple and a portion of this cost goes to the donor.  This includes 6 fresh/fet donor cycles and if at the end of a 6th cycle you don't bring home a baby, you get your money back in full.  If we did this option, we would have to take out a fertility loan possibly hoping we would be approved.  Right now a baby is more important than a house and if this means we have to be $30,000 more in debt, it's worth it to have a child!  It will work out one way or another I just want our baby in our arms so I can put all this pain and struggle behind us.  It takes a strong and caring man to accept our situation and I couldn't be happier that I have the husband that I have!  I feel so blessed and I thank God for him everyday!  Crossing our fingers for a Dec 2011 baby or a Jan 2012 baby if all goes as planned.  Donor cycle would possibly start in Feb. if not by March.  I'll find out more once we get into the donor program.  I can't wait to find out when we will be starting! Another count down haha!

Here is my journal post from my other site from Friday:

Hi ladies!!!! 

So I had my followup this am. I'm feeling much better about things now. As hard as it is to accept the cards we have been dealt, I truly believe we are in God's hands and will answer the desires of our hearts to be parents. 

I really love my RE! He is wonderful. I'm so thankful for him. So he basically told me that by my sono on Tuesday he could tell that my ovary was in bad shape. It is very small and it shouldn't be. My lining is way too thin for the point my body is at after being on the Lupron so he kinda put two and two together before he even got the blood test results. He didn't want to give us false hope, but said there could be a chance my ovary is still in a state of shock from the surgery in March. But even if is, I still have very little ovarian tissue remaining that would make it almost impossible for a cycle to work with my own eggs. But he wanted to give us both scenarios. He said our best chances are with a donor. He wants me to come back 10/5/10 for bw/us to see where things are at. If my FSH is still at 42 then we know we have to go the donor that my body has just shot down. If it's lowered, then we still have to weigh our options but the fact that my ovary is so damaged, it's not worth the heartache to go through our own ivf cycle to only be let down. 

We most likely will be going down the donor route. After my appt on the 5th of Oct. my dr wants to do a mock EEP to check to see if my body can carry the baby. I would be give injections of estrogen and provera to induce my period to see how things look. As long as I respond the way I should, we are good to go to start the donor cycle. He said that it typically takes anywhere from 3-4 months to get to a pregnancy with the donor cycle. So if we start in Jan, we are looking at prolly a April ET! We have to figure out the financial part of it as well. Hoping my new job's insurance covers donor eggs. 

hign FSH explains my god awful hot flashes!!! LOL 

Do have some good news!! DH's SA came back great! Unlike the last one back in July 09. 

July 09 SA:  --------->  All aprox...can't remember exactly the #'s!
20 MIL count 
43% motility 
4% morphology 

Sept 10 
87 MIL count 
53% motility 
7% morphology (anything above 5% at my clinic is considered normal) 

We are thrilled with these results!=) Thank you Jesus!!!!!! 

So, for now I wait for the results of my thyroid testing, wait to see if a period comes before 10/5 if not then 10/5 bw/us appt and start the Donor cycle process! 

Thank you so much for all your wonderful kind words and all of your love and support. I know I have said this a lot lately, but I just can't say thank you enough. You all are so special to me and I'm so thankful to my wonderful friend AMBER for introducing me to DS! Thanks girl!=) 

I'll post again when I have my thyroid results! 

Have a great weekend! 

Much love, 
Lauren

..How does anyone prepare for the worst..

No one is ever prepared when they get shocking devastating news!

This happened to me yesterday...came out of the blue as a complete shock!

I'm part of an online support group with other fellow woman suffering with infertility and I decided instead of writing my story out again, that I would paste my journal that I wrote today on my message board of infertile friends! These woman have been amazing in supporting me and each other and I can't thank them enough for all their continued support and prayers!=)

Here is my journal post from today from Dailystrength:

This journal is a hard one for me to write. I'm so confused and upset right now that I can't even think straight. I've always known that eventually somewhere down the road that I would have to have a hysterectomy due to the severity of my endo. I always thought it would be after we had babies. I've had a total of 3 surgeries: Laprascopy in July 08, Laparotomy Jan 09 (removal of left ovary), and another Laprascopy in March 10. A year ago when we first started the IVF process my ovary was in descent shape and I had an FSH of 12.4. High but not too too high to not be fit to use my own eggs. We had an unsuccessful cycle as many of you know and always wondered why and what all the reasons were. Now things make more sense. At this time my right ovary had endo spots but not a lot and nothing to worry about just yet. Then this year my cysts grew back out of control and had to be removed. They took over my ovary and I remember my OBGYN saying that they tried to save as much of the ovary as they could. She teamed up with a specialist surgeon with my surgery and felt I was in the best hands. So from here, we knew we had to act quick on having a baby because of my ovary that was in poor shape. Never ever did I think it was this bad. 

Being on Lupron for 3 mo we never noticed anything different because I couldn't have periods while on Lupron. I felt awful, gained weight, was tired all the time, and just wasn't myself. We've been waiting for 10 weeks for my period to start and I could tell yesterday that my Dr was concerned. Something wasn't right. When my thyroid came back elevated deep down I knew things were not going in the right direction. But this is a fixable thing. When my nurse told me that my RE wanted to speak with me further that afternoon, the anxiety hit me. What was he going to tell me? 

I have never in my entire life felt this much pain and sadness. He said to me that he hated having to tell me this over the phone but wanted me to be prepared for when I see him next. He basically said based on the blood tests that he ran, my ovary is so severly damaged that there is hardly any good ovarian tissue left. That it's damaged from the endo/surgeries. Ok, I kinda knew this but didn't know how bad this could really get. Then here is the kicker. He said my FSH went from 12.4 - 45!!!!!!!!!! WTF!! I asked him if this could be from the Lupron and he said no that Lupron would actually lower my FSH. He said I know this isn't what you want to hear but we may have to start think about another plan that we didn't anticipate and that is donor eggs! OMG, are you serious? Now, before I've even had the chance to have my own child. I asked him if he thought my surgery could have caused this and he said maybe some, but you have an underlining condition that is causing you to have surgery that it's inevitable that you are going to have damage down there. He said that he wanted to pursue the special thyroid testing and to come in to see him ASAP. I'm going to see him Friday at 8 am to discuss everything and what our options are now. He felt so bad telling me this over the phone. Having an FSH this high makes it basically impossible to have our own children with the added damaged ovary. We are trying to stay positive and wait to hear everything on Friday but it's so hard. I'm devastated! I've dreamt my whole life of having my own child and especially a little girl. I can accept God's will for our lives, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't make me incredibly sad! 

I have a wonderful DH who is so supportive. He is ok with the fact that we may have to use donor eggs. He sees it as our child no matter where it comes from. I do too, I just can't get past this sadness and pain right now. I feel like I have been cheated out of a dream of mine and that I didn't do anything wrong to deserve this. My other concern is our insurance now and in Jan with my new job if they cover donor ivf cycles! If they don't, I have no clue how we will afford this. So I have some calls to make today. I know we will get through this, it's just not something I expected to hear yesterday. I am in shock with how high my FSH is! Doesn't make sense to me how it sky rocketed like this in 1 yr. 

I will know more Friday and I'm so anxious to hear where we go from here. We are in need of many prayers right now and I thank all my DS

We are in good hands with a wonderful RE and I trust that he will take us down the right path to get to our take home baby! 

God, please send me peace and the strength to get through this difficult time! Thank you for your never ending LOVE!!!!!!! 

Much love, 

Lauren

No one is ever prepared for this kind of news!  I sure wasn't.  I've always know that my issues were serious.  I knew that eventually I would have to have a hysterectomy because of my endo but I always thought I would have a baby first.  There are no words to describe how I feel right now.  I wasn't expecting to hear this news.  I knew that I was in the early stages of premature ovarian reserve (early menopause) but I never thought it would get so bad so quickly.  The damage on my ovary isn't surprising to me and I had high hopes that it would be healthy enough for at least one more IVF cycle.  The FSH is what puzzles me.  I could see it going from 12.4 - to like 20 but from 12.4 - 45 in one year?  What happened?  I don't understand and I'm so confused by this.  A FSH of 45 is like being a 40-45 year old woman.  I'm no where near this age and it's shocking to hear that my body is shutting down reproductively.  

I'm thankful that my Dr called to prepare me so that I would be so shocked and surprised at my appointment on Friday.  This shows me he really cares.  He was so shocked himself.  We know the odds of a regular IVF cycle working with my eggs and we accept this!  Even if there is a small chance it could work, it's too much of risk for us to take without knowing the outcome.  I want to hear my Dr's opinion and to hear exactly what we are up against and what the donor egg route looks like.  This can be a complicated matter when dealing with insurance companies because most don't cover IVF donor cycles. I found out today that my previous employer gave me wrong information about my infertility benefits and even though we changed plans, because I have already exhausted my lifetime maximum of $12,500 with Cigna (insurance before now) that I have no benefits left under my new plan.  It's because my previous employer capped the lifetime at $12,500 under any plan.  Are you kidding me?  We were about to go down this path of starting this IVF cycle and if we did none of it would have been covered.  So even without all these current new issues, we couldn't do IVF right now.  We are crossing our fingers that my current job becomes perm so that I can go on their benefits.  They offer 4 IVF cycles but we are unsure if and what their lifetime maximum is.  I believe is $50,000.  This would mean they would deduct my already used $12,500 from previous insurance and minus it from the $50,000 and the remaining amount would be what I have to cover any IVF cycles.  Since I'm not an employee yet, just a temp I'm not sure how much information I can find out about their benefits.  So this added to my day of "wonderful" news!  I just can't believe no one every told me this or explained it to me in this way.  I'm so glad I called.   So now we wait until Jan. to start this cycle.  For now, we will go forward with the thyroid testing and treat this and get it under control to be ready and prepared for this upcoming IVF cycle.  As crappy as it is that we can't start right now, I wouldn't be able to anyways as soon as I wanted because I have to get my thyroid regulated first and this can take a month or so.  So this gives me some peace about things.

We know that everything in the end will work out.  It just isn't clear right now.  I will be a Mommy one way or another!!!  According to my sweet grandpa, he knows that there is a baby out there waiting for us!  I don't believe in "those kind of feelings/premonitions" but for some reason when my grandpa says these things, he's right! Kinda creepy but in a good way!=)  We have amazing family and friends who are super supportive and loving and without them we could get through this.  Things really do make sense now that my tests came back that my thyroid is elevated.  My body has been so out of wack that I just thought I was getting older and this is what it felt like.  The hot flashes are what clued me in and the weight gain.  Darn hormones!  It will all work out, I just have to trust in the Lord and believe that we will be parents!!!!!  God doesn't give us anything we can't handle...I just want to get to this point where I believe this.  

We appreciate all the prayers!!!!!  We need them.  I'm anxious for our appt on Friday at 8 am.  I will try to update you all sometime Friday, but depending on how I feel will depend on how soon I get to posting.  

Thank you again, for your continued support and for continuing to follow on my journey towards mommyhood!

~*STICKY BABY DUST TO ALL AND CONGRATS TO ALL THE NEW BFP'S AND BIRTHS OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL LITTLE ONES!*~

-LAUREN

..Where we stand in the IVF land..

Hello peeps!

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.  I sure did.  I love my 3 day weekends...means more sleeping in for me!  I just wanted to update you all on where we stand in this IVF cycle.  AF never did show so today at 7 AM I went for bw/us.  Thankfully it was my Dr's day for morning monitoring so he was there to do the sono.  I was hoping for better news.  My lining is still too thin to start.  He feels that even giving me provera my body still won't have a period.  They took some extra blood to check my FSH level to see if they can tell more with this.  He wants to give my body the chance to start on it's own if possible.  This is the best case scenario.  But, we will know more this afternoon when the test results come back.  Regardless of the results, DH and I have a follow-up with my RE next Monday to discuss everything.  What protocol I will be on, how DH's SA turned out and just the details of where we go from here if we don't come to a plan by this afternoon. 

It's more waiting and I'm beginning to loose my patience.  This Lupron did a good thing for the Endo side of things, but in the baby making land, it's been the DEVIL!  My body should be back to normal by now and we aren't sure why it's so surpressed still.  It's ok to have a body be surpressed, but with a nice thick uterus (not too thick).  Too thin doesn't give the embryo the best place to implant.  So we want it to get thicker.

I'll post again when I know more.  Please keep us in your prayers.  I need to be patient and think postively about this.  I'm so ready.  We thank everyone for all your love and support!  It means the world to us!=)

Have a fabulous day!

Lauren

****FABULOUS NEWS****

I can't believe it has taken me this long to post an update on my wonderful bits of fabulous news!  I'm so excited to share this good news with all of you!  You know the job that I posted about last week that I interviewed for with the amazing infertility benefits? Well I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!:)  I found out literally about 5 minutes after I posted my last post.  I've just been so busy the past few days that I have had no time to post anything.  I started on Monday of this week and I absolutely LOVE the job!  I have a wonderful boss (thank you Jesus) and wonderful co-workers.  I couldn't have been more blessed with such a great job.  Everything should turn into permanent by the end of December/beginning of January as long as my background check comes back clear which it should and that they like me!:)  So far they do!  They keep making me promise that I will come back the next day.  Why wouldn't I?  I could never turn this job down.  They are wonderful to their employees and this makes me happy.  So on the job front, things are fantastic!!! 

Now to the IVF stuff.  Still no AF!!!!!!  I talked with my nurse and RE and they have scheduled me to come in on Tuesday for BW/US to see where things are at.  I think what they are looking for is to see if my body is still suppressed enough to skip AF and go straight into the IVF cycle.  I'm crossing my fingers this is the case.  I really don't want to take provera to get AF to start because this justs means more waiting that I'm sick of.  So hopefully Tuesday I will have a better idea of when this IVF cycle is actually going to start.  Hubby did his SA on Thursday so we are waiting on the results from that.  Hoping for a better report this time! So just some more waiting for right now!  This waiting sucks so bad.  I just want to know if we are having a baby next year or not!:)  But being patient is what I have to do if this is truly what I want right now and it sure is.  I'll update more next week after my appointment.

Found out how much COBRA will be.  OMG!!!!!!  It's so expensive.  For DH and I it's $1100 a month and for just me it's around $550 a month and this is just for medical.  Can you believe this?  So there is no way that we can afford COBRA for the two of us.  So what I'm thinking is we will cover just me and pay out-of-pocket for the IVF stuff for DH that falls under his lifetime maximum.  I need to verify how this works and how much it will cost to do it this way.  DH never goes to the Dr but I'm afraid that if he's not covered something will happen.  I was paying $420 a month for the tow of us so $100 difference isn't a huge deal for us.  We know that we want to continue this IVF cycle so we will do what we have to do to make it work.  I just can't believe how expensive this COBRA crap is.  How do they expect people on unemployment to be able to afford this?  You can't.

Things are going well.  I'm feeling good these days besides the weight gain from the Lupron.  I've gained between 8-10 lbs and miserable.  I've never been at this weight and I'm hoping that it goes away with time.  Baby weight is one thing, but Lupron weight gain is NOT ok.  GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!

Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend!:)  I know I will!  Shopping for new clothes that FIT!!!!!!!:)

Tootles!
xoxo
Lauren

..HSG and Results..

Hi blog world!

So I had my HSG today.  My first one was in July of 09 and it went well.  Not as painful as I had thought it would be.  I worked myself up for nothing as usual. Tubes were clear.  This HSG I was nervous for, but not as bad.  I knew that I would experience cramping but nothing like I experienced today!!!!!  Holy Crap! When I had my cryosurgery in April to remove pre-cancerous cells, it was very painful and almost passed out.  I knew my cervix was very tender and sensitive and figured I might feel the same pain today.  Boy was I right!

My lovely sis-n-law (SIL) was nice enough and took me to my appointment.  This helped calm my nerves. I was lucky enough to get the same Dr as last time and she was such a sweetheart!!!  She was so kind and gentle.  I was able to relax my legs more than when at the OBGYN and she let me basically lay down with my legs only propped a little.  Much more comfortable than being in stirrups.  She explained what she was doing at each point and as soon as she put the catheter in through my cervix, I instantly started to cramp.  It wasn't bad just yet.  Then she put the dye in and bam, the intense cramping started.  I was able to look at the monitor and see the dye pour out through my tubes (yay!!!) and this helped distract me.  Then she had me turn to my left, then turn to my right, and then back on my back and this was the worst cramping I have ever felt (besides my periods)!  It was awful.  I couldn't concentrate on the monitor anymore and just wanted the damn catheter to come out.  I told her how bad it was hurting and she thankfully was done and took it out immediately.

I had some minor cramping after but nothing I couldn't handle.  My tubes are completely clear and they both look great!:)  Awesome news even though I don't need my tubes for IVF!  Now we are just waiting on my DH's SA and then for Sept. 1 to get here for AF to not show so I can call my RE to get this cycle going.  One more thing I can check off my list, HSG DONE!

Some possible good news:


I had a job interview today that if I get the job, we will have the most amazing infertility benefits.  It will be such an answer to our prayers!!!!

We would have:

*6 IUI attempts (even though we aren't doing IUI due to male factor infertility)
*4 IVF attempts including all medications
*5,000 in adoption assistance
*DH gets two weeks paid time off when the baby is born
*12 weeks full pay for maternity leave under short-term disability
*24 weeks time off without pay for FMLA
*Daycare assistance
*Flexible work schedule

Can you say AWESOME????

Company "Blank" is rated of the 50 best companies to offer such amazing family planning benefits.  They are geared towards family and this is exactly the kind of company I want to work for!

I think the interview went well.  I stumbled on a pretty easy question but I don't think it will hurt my chances.  I just got nervous.  I want this job so bad!  I know that if it's God's will, it will work out.  I just hate the waiting!  All I seem to do lately is wait, and wait some more!

Please keep my DH and I in your prayers!  We really need this job in this time in our lives and it would relieve so much stress in the baby-making!!!!

I'll let you know how it goes!

Till then, Happy Weekend!!!!! :)

-Lauren

..Just waiting..

This seems to be the story of my life lately! WAITING and more WAITING!

Some things I don't mind waiting for, but when it comes to having a family, I'm done WAITING! 

Even with the loss of my job, I never thought we would be waiting for this long to start our 2nd IVF cycle.  It's tough and I'm really annoyed by it all.

I never updated you all on what my Dr decided to do after my blood results were in from my appointment a little over a week ago.  I didn't end up seeing my Dr, but the other Dr in the office who I like as well.  I knew from the beginning from the way she was talking, she wasn't going to put me on Provera.  My blood tests came back fine and I was told to wait it out till Sept. 1 to let AF arrive on her own if possible.  Even without a period, they said I could go ahead and schedule my HSG (weird since your suppose to do this between CD 5-10 of your menstrual cycle).  My HSG is this Thursday 8/26 at 10:00 AM.  My SIL is taking me just in case I experience some pain and I'm unable to drive....I'm so thankful she is here to help me and is so supportive!:)  With the pain I felt from my cryosurgery, I just want to be extra cautious this time around because I don't want to experience this kind of pain again since it involves my cervix.  My DH will have his SA done this week or next depending on the day they have open for him to go in and drop it off.  Enough said on that subject.  

I'm stressing, and I'm stressing a lot.  My insurance will be ending Sept 1st and I have no clue how soon COBRA kicks in.  I'm afraid to have all this done in the next week and to get a bill in the mail because they processed the claim after Sept 1. which would mean I have no coverage (unless COBRA goes in effect immediately).  I just don't want any surprises.  I just hate no knowing if I will have a job with infertility coverage.  Health Insurance never used to be such a huge priority on my list when choosing a job.  Now that I'm married and have so many health issues, it's on the top of my list of being the most important thing I'm looking for in a job.  My DH and I have decided that it's worth it to pay the two months of COBRA  (the time we need to complete our IVF cycle) to continue with this IVF cycle.  If we get our BFP, then we will cancel COBRA and either sign up for our own personal health plan so I have OB coverage, or if I have a job, choose the best HMO/HMO type plan they have even if there is no infertility coverage.  If we don't get our BFP, then we would have to wait, just like before.  I would have exhausted all my IVF coverage and even if I did land a job with the same company again, I would have to wait till next July again to start round #3 because this is when open enrollment is to change health coverage.  So everything is up in the air right now.  All I know is we are going forward with our plan and praying and hoping we get our BFP!  If this means we only have one child (for now), we are ok with this!  We will just be so happy and blessed with the one little miracle we have!:) 

I had another interview today with the same company who laid me off but I don't like the position.  It's a high level receptionist position with no room for flexibility.  Meaning Dr's appointments would have to be after work or before and this would not work with all the IVF and reg OBGYN appointments I have. It's a very strict 8-5 job and a 7 AM monitoring appointment would make me late to work.  So, I'm in a tough position.  The job offers the same benefits I have now but I wouldn't even be able to use them.  I would be stuck at work all the time with only a 30 minute lunch.  I had another interview last Friday that went well, but the insurance only covers myself, not my DH.  If they offer me a job, I will be very honest with them about the only reason I would deny their offer is because of the health insurance hoping they will be able to work something out with me.  I have no idea what their plans cover and I'm not too sure how to go about finding this out without giving away too much personal information.  Any advice on this matter would be much appreciated!

I have another interview on Thursday evening with a Dental Office that pays well.  It would be a great experience and hoping they offer good health insurance! Crossing my fingers!

How I'm feeling physically:

Thankfully, I no longer feel the crazy symptoms of the Lupron anymore.  I've been nauseous pretty much every day usual at night when trying to fall asleep.  I know this is a symptom that goes along with endo so it's a norm for me and it doesn't worry me, it's just a crappy feeling.  I have been crampy off and on but no spotting or bleeding.  I'm very bloated like always.  Lately, I've been having those sharp pains (endo pains) and it concerns me a little.  I'm hoping that if it is starting to grow back, that it's growing slowly so that it doesn't interfere with this IVF cycle...please!  This is why I want to get started so bad....I want to beat the endo from taking over again.  Once I'm pregnant, the endo won't be so bad at least in my uterus and on.  I have it other places so it can still grow even without a period unfortunately.  I've been really tired lately and haven't been able to stay up like I normally can.  I've been listening to my body when it tells me it's tired and making myself go to bed.  I've been trying to not take my sleeping pills to see how I do sleeping on my own.  I have some good nights, and some bad nights.  But I like knowing that I do have nights where I can fall asleep on my own and STAY asleep.  I'm a clock watcher and this is the main reason I have to take sleeping pills...I can't stay asleep.  It's awful!  But, for some reason I'm doing pretty good right now.

This summer has been crazy and I haven't been the best at sticking to my IVF diet and exercising.  But, now will all this time off, I have no excuse to get back to 100%!  

Every morning I hope to find spotting or bleeding!  But of course I'm always disappointed!  I'm counting down the days till Sept 1. and I can't wait to get this show on the road!  Everyone has been so supportive and feels so positive about this cycle.  I hope they are right!  I'm trying to stay as positive as I can regardless of our situation!  I know a job will come through and that God will take care of us.  He knows what we desire and he will provide in due time...His timing!!!!  I have to trust this.  It's hard, but I have to.  DH has been awesome through all of this and I couldn't imagine going through this without him.  He gets me and understands me and I love him so much for this!  Not everybody does get me and he is a true blessing! 

I hope to have great news within the week.  I will update as soon as I have more news on when this cycle will be starting.  Praying my HSG goes well and comes back clear.  Praying the DH's SA is better than 7/09 SA!  Praying for our dreams to come true and that we bring home our miracle baby next June!:)

I hope everyone is doing well.  Praying for all the BFP's out there and for all many, many successful IUI and IVF, and FET cycle's!  Just BELIEVE!  It will happen, and it will happen for all of us some way or another!

Talk to you all soon!

Much Love,

Lauren

..Finally..

I finally spoke with my RE and I am going in tomorrow morning at 7:30 for blood work/ultrasound. From there, they will see what's going on and hopefully start me on Provera tomorrow night. My nurse said that she will send me home with a prescription for provera and will start that night based on the blood work and ultrasound results. To me, this is the only way to get AF to start to nasty self. Then one she arrives, I will go for my HSG between days 5-10, go for a follow-up about two weeks later and then wait again for AF. Once she arrives again, then I will most likely start Lupron for about a week to suppress my system to be able to start stims. So things are finally coming a long. I've been waiting so long for my stupid period to start. It's been driving me crazy.


I've got a lot going on right now and I'll update more later. I just wanted to let everyone know that the next step has started and we are one step closer to our baby!


I'll update tomorrow after my appointment!


Thanks for all your love and support! Means so much to me!:)


Much Love,
Lauren

..Still waiting..

So I'm still waiting...waiting ever so patiently on AF!!! It has been over a month now since my last Lupron shot so you would think it would be out of my system by now. But no, still no AF! It's starting to frustrate me. I just want to get this next IVF cycle started. My nurse at my RE's office called to check in yesterday, but I missed the call so I'm waiting to hear back from her again. I want to ask how much longer I need to try to wait for AF to come on it's own and when we would try to make it start if it never comes. So hopefully they give me something to make it start so we can get the testing on it's way so we can start stims. My insurance lasts until the last day of August then Cobra kicks in if I haven't found another job by then. I actually have an interview tomorrow with my same company who laid me off so I'm crossing my fingers I get the job so I can continue having full fertility coverage.


So this is where I am at right now. Just waiting. I hate it! So hopefully she decides to make her appearance this week. It's gonna be a doozy of a period too. So not looking forward to this. 


I'll let you know when she arrives!:)


Hope everyone is doing well!


*~*Losts*~*of*~*sticky*~*baby*~*dust*~*to*~*all*~*!!!!


Love,
Lauren

..If two pieces of bad news weren't enough, now there are 3!!!!

When it rains, it pours!!!!

Bad luck always comes in 3's!!!!

I've hit the bad luck pot!!!!

I told you in my last post that the house we had a contract on fell through. We also found out that our lender mislead us and told us we qualified for the house, to then being told we weren't while deep in the middle of a contract. If this wasn't enough to deal with. The news of my boss quitting was the best news and I had was beginning to see things on the positive side. Our plan to move to CA was still in effect and I was excited about my job search.

Then on Tuesday, it all came crashing down.

I had only been at work for about 3 hours to be pulled into one of our managers office and was given the most shocking news: They were laying me off!!!!! My boss was out of town so his boss delivered the bad news!!! They say it was due to budget cuts! Not so sure I believe this. I was in complete shock and couldn't believe it! It took me awhile to process it all. I felt this was just opening the door wider to move to CA and it would give me the time to focus on really hunting for a job in CA and being free to travel for interviews. Then it hit me, on no my health insurance and IVF! I knew that my insurance could continue through Cobra and we could still do IVF but how on hearth would we ever afford Cobra? I've heard it's very expensive. Living off my DH's income, my unemployment (who knows how much this will be) how will we afford paying for Cobra and then all the co pays that come along with IVF. I strongly feel that if this is important enough to us to continue IVF, we will make it work. My DH on the other hand, isn't so sure about it anymore. I told him it would only be a handful of copay's and in the long run it will be so worth it to get our miracle baby.

I know that everything will work out. Just right now I'm having a hard time staying positive. Everything hit me yesterday and I had a huge meltdown. I'm so afraid to hit rock bottom again after doing well for so many months. This stress will not be good for my body if we continue to go through with IVF. I know my DH will come around, I just think he needs time to process it all. Thankfully, I can transfer to another position within my company if there are any available and there are. My hope is to get an interview next week and be hired before my last day on Friday. I wouldn't have to go on unemployment and I wouldn't loose my health insurance. This would be a miracle if it actually happened! I just pray that God helps me stay strong and positive throughout this tough time. My DH tends to get really stressed about money and I hope he can see beyond this and know that this is only a temporary situation. We will get through this. 

I'm doing ok right now. I'm kind of numb to the whole situation. We could use all the prayers we can get right now and they are much appreciated!!!

I'll update more when I have more news about my job hunt.

Thanks for all your love and support!

-Lauren

..It's been awhile..

It's been awhile since my last post so I figured it was time I post an update. Since I can't use blogger at work, I have a harder time updating my blogs. So I'm sorry for my lack of posts. I have two updates: IVF update & Life Update. I'll start with IVF.


IVF update:
Not much has changed since my last post. Yesterday marked a month since my last lupron shot. Today is one day past my normal shot day and I am now waiting for AF to arrive. I can feel stuff going on down there so I know something is gonna happen, I just don't know when. I'm hoping it's soon so that we can get started with this next cycle. Praying that everything continues to go well and as planned. So for now, I'm just waiting which I HATE DOING!


Life update:
I came home from a wonderful week in so cal to find out that I'm being laid off from my job. My last day is Friday, July 30th! I am in complete shock. They say it's due to budget cuts but I'm not sure I believe this with all the issues I've had with my boss. I found out over vacation that my boss had quit and his last day is this Friday. I was so excited to finally be free of him and to not be so stressed out at work to finding out I'm being let go! WTF!!! I was in shock for most of the day yesterday. I didn't want to think about what this all meant. First issue for me is my health insurance. As you all know, we are about to start our next IVF cycle and thought what the heck happens now. Well, thankfully I can collect unemployment. I have no idea how much this will be but at least it's something. I will be given the option to continue my health coverage through Cobra. The bad part of this is Cobra is very expensive. I will be paying whatever I paid per month plus the premium amount my employer paid. I have no clue what this amount is going to be and it worries me. How can they expect someone who is unemployed to be able to afford Cobra? We will make it work somehow. If I am paying an arm and a leg for this insurance, I might as well get my money's worth by continuing IVF. The added expense of baby would be tough if I didn't have a job by June 2011. I doubt this will be the case. I'm confident I will find something in the next few months. I just pray we can afford everything. 


My husband tends to stress about money and he seems to be okay with things right now and is being very supportive. I just hope he stays this way. I don't need the added stress of his worry about money. We always have found a way to get by when money was tight. Thankfully we have supportive families that won't see let us fall apart. God has a plan for us and I have to trust in Him and be confident that he will provide.


Then to add more stress, our house that we have a contract on is not going so good. It's a short-sale and the banks are screwing with us. They keep counter offering higher and higher and won't budge on their offer. After leaving so cal we decided to withdraw from the contract. We don't want to keep going around and around with the banks to only come to an end with no house. Our options suck right now as far as house options go. We have decided on a new plan that we are very excited about. We feel that God is opening so many doors to our new plan with the house falling through and me being laid off. Everything happens for a reason and I know that God wouldn't give us something we couldn't handle. He obviously has a better plan for us!:) I'm bummed about it all, but have to stay strong if we want this IVF to work! I can now focus on me and my body and if I do become pregnant, I can ease myself back into things without the stresses of work for awhile.


I know we will be ok. It just sucks all of this had to happen at the same time. It will be hard to stick it out at my job till next Friday, but if I want to transfer within the company, I have to keep my record in good standing. I've applied to 4 jobs within my company and 7 outside. Out of the 11 jobs, one has to come through. We shall see!


I'll update again once AF starts to fill you all in on the next steps. As of now, I'll go in on CD3 for blood work and then between days CD5-CD10 I will go in for my HSG. Then wait for our follow up about two weeks later. It's almost here and I'm so excited!:)


Thanks again for your continued support!


Talk to you all soon!
Lauren

..count your blessings..

 Count your blessings..

For some, conceiving a child is done by sharing an intimate 

moment with your significant other.

For me, I have to PAY to have a child!

How is this fair?

"Oops, we're pregnant"

"This wasn't planned, it just happened"

"I've only been off birth control a month and I'm pregnant"

"I missed a few days of the pill, I'm pregnant"

"We weren't really trying"

"We conceived naturally"

These are the words I hear from those who don't have to 

PAY for their child!

This is how our child is conceived:

By IVF w/ICSI

What does this mean?

This means they take my eggs put them in a dish, 

and directly inject them with sperm.

This way bypasses the issues of the sperm fertilizing the egg

on it's own in the dish.

(this is the case when you have sperm issues).

Be careful with the choice of words you choose when speaking

to a woman who is suffering from infertility.

Refrain from saying, "You have plenty of time to have babies"!

This isn't the case for us suffering with infertility.

This is one of the comments that is the most hard to hear.

If you are one of the lucky one's who can conceive on your own,

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!

I can't tell you how lucky you are!

I envy you.

My DH and I tried for 1.5 years to conceive on our own and 

nothing worked. 

We were trying not knowing it would never happen.

You are so blessed to be able to conceive a child

out of love.

Don't take this as a complaint or anger towards those

who can conceive naturally.

I'm just simply pointing out how hard it is to accept

the fact your is child being created from a petri dish with 

someone else's hands!

I am forever grateful for this 2nd chance at having a baby

through IVF!

God has placed us here in this situation for a reason.

I have to TRUST this.

Our baby will be loved beyond belief!!!!!

Thanks for reading.

STICKY BABY DUST TO ALL SOON TO BE 2011 MOMMIES!

LOVE,

LAUREN