..worrying and the what-ifs..

Hi blog friends!
I hope everyone had a nice weekend.
I've been off-track this past week and I can feel it!
Today is a new day and focused on being more disciplined.

I didn't do terrible, I just had a harder time sticking to my IVF diet due to our busy weekend last weekend and no grocery shopping. It was hard to find things that I could eat that followed my IVF diet. Haven't had the chance to walk and it's driving me crazy! The freaking rain just won't stop. I hate working out in doors, but at this point, I don't think I have much choice. It's gloomy out right now so I have no clue what I'm going to do tonight.

For the most part I still feel really positive and hopeful about things. I'm really trying to stay focused. Sadly, the doubt and worry slip in here and there. This weekend was hard. I don't know why. I was more emotional and kept thinking about if this doesn't work, how am I going to feel and how am I going to deal with the sadness and heartache? It's a feeling I never want to feel again. I'm constantly looking at the future and what our lives will be like in the next 9 months if I do become pregnant. They are HAPPY thoughts and these are the thoughts that I hold onto tight. I don't want them to go away. They feel real and they bring me so much peace. The months/days leading up to an IVF cycle are so exciting. You don't know the outcome yet and all you can focus on is the possibility of this really working. The fear sets in and all you can do is just hold on and ride the roller coaster that you pray ends in a BFP! I know it's out of my control what the outcome is. I just wish I knew how it would turn out. I'm terrified of the feelings I will feel if it doesn't work.

It might not be so terrifying if I knew we could try again right away. But I don't know if we can. It all depends on how much this cycle costs and if we have $$$ left over. Otherwise, we have to find $20,000 to fund 6 more cycles. I just have to remember that it's normal to have these feelings and there is nothing I can do to change the situation. I have to keep trusting in God and trust that he will listen to our prayers and answer the desires of my heart.

All I keep thinking about is hearing the news "congrats your pregnant" and how it will all feel! Last night I had a visual of me having our baby and my husband seeing him/her for the first time. It was the most precious sight ever!=) I can't wait for this day!

Overall, I'm doing great! Lots of exciting things happening and I look forward to what God has in store for us!

***NEGATIVE THINKING NOT ALLOWED***
***BRING ON THE POSITIVITY***

STICKY BABY DUST TO ALL!!!!!

Lauren